To be honest, most of all to myself, I am not exactly in a good place at the moment. It takes my every bit of willpower to not break-down and fall apart, and God it is torture. I keep telling myself it'll be better, but there's always that little voice in my head that keeps asking "When? When? When?" and just letting my mind fleet into the thought for a second almost made me crumble. 

Being jobless is part of the anxiety. I kept a certain sum for emergencies, but emergencies means school fees and car and loans. I'm almost certain I've lost credentials to hang out with some of my friends simply because I can no longer afford it - and no, by all means I'm not accusing them of deserting me at my time of need, but let's be frank - there is nothing they can do to get me out of this shit-hole any more than to send job recommendations. Although I have to admit some are gracious enough to still spend time not money, and frankly, that is all I need right now. 

For the most part, my anxiety came from having to face my past. Most involves bumping into old friends - the friendship fell apart for reasons I still wonder until today. A couple of ex's also made re-appearance, one very enthusiastically trying to re-kindle the relationship that died. I'm still not sure how to handle this. For the time being I'll keep running - literally - until I'm out of breath.

I've pretty much figured out that they'll be frequenting the same place I go to to jog. Jogging is the only stable thing in my life right now. Just bring one step in front after another - leave everything behind for that whole hour. Leave my troubles, leave my anxiety, leave my past. If I am forced to give that up for fear of my past, I don't know where to anchor myself to. 

My significant other, my better half, to say the least I miss her - and that's an understatement. I may get some repercussion because I wrote it here in my blog instead of telling her organically, but it has been a week since we last sat together. She's a workaholic by nature and she loves spending time with her many-many friends. Between this and that, she barely has time for me and I have to understand even tho it kills me to hold back like this. If it's any consolation, I am 100% confident in her loyalty and she can expect the same from me. 

Like everyone else, I do enjoy some alone time. However, anxious times like now, I'd rather be in the company of my better half. That being said, I don't want to get in her way either - I am just so sure that she already has plans even on her off day. Well in any case, I'll just keep things together for a little while longer, wait here like a good boyfriend would until she could spare me a few. 

Wasn't my intention to replace you.. after all, you were, and remain so, the sweetest most modest person with an old soul even if we are of the same age. Even if I do try to replace you, I can never find one that is exactly you, with your wonderful humor and comical smile that never fails to bring me out of my shell. You and your passion for life, taking in every good with some lemon and ever bad with a spoonful of honey. Your and your sincerity, you and your timidness, you and your mystery...

A person that is of the similar background, both teaching parents, in a way both eldest, and in a way although independent both are happy to depend on another at times. That is the person whom reminded me most of you. Very shy at times, but very vocal at others. We share the same passion for friendship the way the two of us shared our passion for our friendship. We both put so much effort into trying to spend as much quality time together that my friends soon became his, and his became mine. 

Both of you are extremely humbling, it is an honor to have met you both. A blessings to call you a friend, and a true, very rare gift that I will cherish and appreciate forever. A year was barely enough to really know the person that is you, but even away, I still feel your friendship close to my heart. In him, I find the same kind of friendship - truly a humbling experience. Though in a different place and time, much of your personality I see in him, makes me reminisce of the time we shared together. 

Remember once the two of us were so broke that few days til payday? Well, I'm experiencing the same with him - except this time it is undeniably a little worse. Like before, I believe both of us will pull through one way or another. 

In all sense of similarity, I feel that our days are numbered. He will be leaving soon, just as you did back then. I don't blame either of you, just hoped that the time we can spare for each other lasts much longer. Being the one left behind is never easy, but I know that being the person who leaves is just as painful. 

In all intention I will keep in touch. With both of you. Such bond of friendship is rare, much too valuable to let the passage of time erode it. Whenever the thought crosses my mind, whenever the bells of memory would chime or rang, whenever a gust of wind carries whispers of our past, whenever footfalls on the earth we walk echoes your name, whenever a ray of light carries with it shadows of your face, or the splashing of water reveals a treasure at the bottom that is you, I will ring you up, just to let you know I was thinking of you.. And in all sense of similarity, in a way, I have found another you. 

I haven't given up totally on the kids of today's generation - nose so deep with their technologies, their iPads and Samsungs, their Facebook and Instagrams, online gaming and such. When I was a kid my mom would practically kick me out of the house to play outside when we wanted to play games on our Nintendo 64 back then. But when I showed my 6 y/o grandson (urghhh.. I feel old) this game I played when I was a kid, he fell in love, dropped his Nintendo DS and entertained himself for a good half an hour trying to pass the levels. 

To the generation that is mine, kids of the 80's, I present you, a blast from the past : FULL SCREEN MARIO! It is THE game on Nintendo 64 back then -  a must have entertainment especially for rainy days (of course we MUST finish our homework and earn a few hour on it. Remember back then? No save points, no memory cards, not even a feature to select the stage! we have to play it from the beginning every single time, yet was never bored by it!

It is what it is, folks, I sh*t you not. A full remake of Super Mario Bros. from Nintendo 65 using HTML5. It's the fifth version of HTML (that's HyperText Markup Language) and provides better multimedia support for browsers on any platform. The aim is to improve the sHTML standard so that it can service more range of multimedia input and output (not only pictures, videos and audios but also animation and interactive media) while maintaining human readability and consistently understood by computers and devices.

I suspect that Full Screen Mario is built to demonstrate the capabilities of HTML5 in handling multimedia support - but regardless of the purpose, it is just simple amazing that someone put up a huge effort in developing it for the web, and best of all, free of charge! You can also choose to donate - say a thank you for their effort. Kudos to the developers!

For those who wanted to reminisce on their childhood memory, or even try to persuade your own kid to play the game you played as a child, give it a go at www.fullscreenmario.com. The game can be played on any browser, does not require any installation and there is no ads or malicious software (think of it as just surfing a site that is interactive). It is possible to play it on your mobile devices given you have a keyboard, but I haven't tested it out yet. If it works, do let me know. If it doesn't, well let me know anyways! Ahahaha!

**P/s : not all kids can appreciate the 8-bit pixelated graphics that is Super Mario. It takes a special breed. My nephews of 10 and 12 both commented "It's like they're not even trying back then."  ~.~"

Rated 4.3/5 from Goodreads, A Thousand Splendid Suns is the second novel by Afghan-American author Khaled Hosseini, following the best-seller 2003 debut The Kite Runner. If you've already read The Kite Runner, this book will definitely rip your heart into pieces if not already. 

Set in Afghanistan between 1960's to early 2000, it tells the story of Mariam, a young girl born out of wedlock to a rich businessman father, Jalil, and lives with her mother Nana. As far as cliche goes, the story is well fat with it - the suffering of a fatherless child, the mother finally having had enough and took her own life, an unfortunate marriage to an abusive husband, miscarriages and so many unfortunate events in the life of the little girl from her childhood to her death. 

But, in contrast, while The Kite Runner tells the story of friendship and bond between men, A Thousand Splendid Suns tells the story of a bond between mother and daughter, and of friendship between women. The storyline is also something contrasting to The Kite Runner, where the story is rather linear and gains momentum as events after event unfurls. 

One notable theme of the novel is addressing women oppression in traditional Afghanistan - depicted clearly after Mariam, in her early teens, was married to Rasheed, an old shoemaker, against her will. Rasheed forces Mariam to wear a burqa, to not speak to any men and were to stay in her room when there are male visitors in the house. After she failed to give birth to a son, instead bearing a daughter after a few miscarriages, Mariam was treated even worse, subjected to mean scorn, ridicule and insults especially to her cooking by Rasheed. 

Reading the book, to me, felt like taking a glimpse of what life in Afghanistan must be like back then, between the time of peace and the rise of Talibans, where the social status of women were deemed of very little importance compared to men - denying the right for women to pursue education or work, even hospitals turning down female patients in labor because men and women are supposed to be seen at different hospitals, as well as the Titanic fever following the movie that was played in cinemas and in videotapes back then. It is in the perspective of Mariam that these stories were told, and what made this novel a stirring read, almost impossible to resist (Entertainment Weekly).

Tired of losing lives at Candy Crush? All huffin' and puffin' about Temple Run and not getting anywhere? Can't sleep thinking of your Plants and Zombies? Well, lemme make an attempt to bring you out of your (current) misery and introduce you to a new addiction - Alien Hive! 

Sliding Tile Puzzle

LOL I made myself sound like a cheesy salesman there. But in good faith, if you remember the sliding tile puzzle - hours upon hours spent trying sliding and attempting to align the pieces to the proper order wither in numeric sequence or to reveal a picture, together with every frustration that came with it - you are going to love this game! I for one, am addicted to it! Much of the childhood memory planning strategies to move the pieces across the board, the painstaking effort, crunching your mind just trying to get the pieces in place without causing other pieces to go out of place came flooding! It's insane! Add move counts and limit to that - you just HAVE to try it!! 

Alien Hive is just like that - and more. It's a combination of match 3 or more and the sliding tile puzzle. What it means is that across the 6 x 6 board, one tile is left blank. You slide the tiles vertically or horizontally in attempt to create a match of three or more of the same pieces. To make it even more interesting, the pieces don't just disappear off the board, but evolves into a higher level "being". Match three or more of those to get a higher level being until you manage to get a supreme alien! 

CUTE!!!!

Get the objective yet? There are basically three different types of "beings" in Alien Hive - the crystals, match three or more of these to get more moves; the plants, also gives moves as well as Magic Fruit in the final evolution; and finally the star of the show, the aliens - match three or more eggs to make an egg-womb, three or more egg-wombs make an alien embryo, three or more of those make a baby alien, three or more of those make an alien, three or more of those makes an alien coccoon - and frankly that's as far as I could go for now. 

A look at my hives!

I'll be nice and post some tips I got from the developers website :

• Always plan a few steps ahead.
• Look at the whole board, don't just focus on the area surrounding the empty slot.
• Try to use minimum resources to gain maximum result – use as few moves as possible!
• Each powerup is valuable, try to use the proper item at the right moment.

Here's a demo video to get you started :

For you puzzle game addicts out there, I seriously recommend this game. Watch out for those Naughty Bots too, they're nasty! Visit Google Play or tap on the Play button to directly download the game into your phone! Enjoy! 

Use these links to get play  Alien Hives on your iPhone / iPad or Blackberry.

          

Every time my head got all messed up inside and I let my emotions run lose, I always end up thinking and reciting this poem to myself. I may have blogged about this before, and that is an assurance to myself that there are things about me that don't change. 

People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person, and in return, for yourself. 

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need that you have expressed. 

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, 

To provide you with guidance and support,
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem godsend, and they are,
because they are there for the REASON you NEED them to be
Then,
without any wrongdoing on your part, or even in an inconvenient time,
This person will say or do something that brings the relationship to an end.

Sometimes, they die.
Sometimes, they walk away.
Sometimes, they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that  our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled,
and their work is done.
The prayer you have sent up has been answered,
and it is time to move on...


Some people come into your life for a SEASON.
Because your turn has come to grow, share and learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, and the joy of laugh.
They may teach you something that you have never learned before.
Make you do something you never thought you would have done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real.
But only for a SEASON.


LIFETIME relationships teach you LIFETIME lessons.
Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job, is to ACCEPT these lessons.
Love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships
and are as your life.

It is said that LOVE IS BLIND, but FRIENDSHIP IS CLAIRVOYANT 

I never blame you for leaving...

..but I refuse to let you go..

Thank you for being a part of my life, be it a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME

People who got stuck in loneliness have done  nothing wrong. None of us is immune to the feelings of isolation anymore than we are immune to the feelings of hunger or physical pain. 

John Cacioppo in his book Lonelinees.

We were out at the swimming pool, dipping and playing in the water after a hot day when at one point a friend came up and said "You must be in love." Perplexed at how he got the impression, I went of the defensive and asked "How did you come up with that conclusion?" He simply said "Because you looked lonely." 

I find myself pleasantly intrigued by how he associated being lonely and in love. "Loneliness," he went on to say, "in not the same as being alone, this being with others does not guarantee you to not feel lonely. It is also not the same as being cooped up and drowning yourself with guilt and fear and insecurity. Loneliness, real loneliness, is the want of intimacy." 

Describing loneliness as the want of intimacy really put things into perspective. I later discovered that this definition came from Frieda Fromm-Reichmann, a German psychiatrist contemporary to Sigmund Freud. Some of her notable publications was on Migraine, Stereotypies, and Domineering Mothers. Her theory on migraine, in particular, is.. 

..of the opinion that the symptom is produced when an unconscious hostile tendency is directed in particular at the destruction of an object's intelligence ("mental castration") and guilt feelings turn this tendency instead against one's own head'

(Otto Fenichel, The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis (London 1946) p. 253.) 

I digress. Coming back to the topic of loneliness, it has been recently linked to bodily ailments as well as mental degeneration. Psycho-biologist can now show that loneliness sends misleading hormonal signals, disrupts the genes that governs behavior and causes other body system to malfunction and fall apart. Time and age, being the constant, also contributes to the physical effect of loneliness. Some of the diseases that are thought to be induced partly by loneliness is Alzheimer's, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and are also contributing factors to bad habits such as smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and drugs. 

Loneliness vary from person to person, just as taste vary from person to person. One would say that a lemon is pleasantly sour, helps to accentuate the taste of his food, while another would say that it is an unnecessary to his food and that the sourness blunts his appetite. There are introverted and extroverted people, as well as there are those who are in constant need for connection and those who don't seem to need friends at all.  

There are among us who are extremely lonely - not because of having too few friends or connections, but because they lack the social support that they require. It is not the quantity, but rather the quality of support - because loneliness can be treated through trust and intimacy. However, following the principle of natural selection and survival of the fittest, lonely people tend to be shunned away from the community for being perceived as weak, or suffer in silence to lead a life under false identity. 

These people are like walking time bombs - more sensitive than others to the pain of rejection. Their temperament is akin to that of a spoiled 5-year-old who would throw a temper-tantrum is his demand were not met. Similarly, shorter temper or passive-aggressive retaliation, cynical remark they consider as jokes, raised voice and self-preservation gestures such as folding the arms across the chest to protect himself. 

Biologically, their heart rate increases, stress hormones flood his body, body tissue swell up, and white blood cells swarm up in anticipation of a physical attack that never came. It would be harmless if this bouts of inflamed arousal dissipates quickly, but if kept for a prolonged period of time, the blood pressure levels would rise. Furthermore, because the body is kept at anticipating larger threats, part of the immune system that fends off smaller, more subtle threats began to fail, contributing to acquired allergies and periodical sickness. 

If we now know that loneliness, a social emotion, can reach into our body's biological system and cause disruptions and amok, what should we do about it? Change our view on health. Being healthy is not just about having a healthy body, but also having a healthy mind and emotion, and a healthy support society. Start small - reach out and seek those who can fulfill your social need, and in return do not shy away from those who seek you to fulfill their social need. Pay closer attention to the later, as you never know, you may heal your own loneliness as you heal theirs, and consequently be in love with each other.

Note : for further reading - The Lethality of Loneliness

LOL! Coming from a guy, yeap, that is rather uncommon. But a facial treatment is not limited to the ladies. Us gentlemen would also want to put a little effort into it. Just remember, beauty is only skin deep, and however handsome or fair or clear skin one may have, it will fade over time. That being said, I know mine has aged much too fast. 

It did tool a minimal coaxing on my part to get my (ehem ehem.. I hope she reads this >.<) significant other to actually sign up for a facial treatment, but we agreed almost a month ago to purchase the Michelle Lazar Antioxidant skin treatment - Facial, Eye and Neck (the last bit was more of a tap-tap on the shoulder but I'll get to it in a bit).

After much procrastination and failed booking because the place - Michelle Lazar - was apparently very popular and is almost always booked - we were finally able to get a slot at 5pm today. I was warned earlier that it would hurt - like h*ll - but I guess it slipped my mind. She warned me again as we went out for lunch and just chilled the afternoon off waiting for the appointment - and I told her that if she, one with a fair skin and small pores (yikes, I'm using the word "pores" now) said that it hurts, I should be in excruciating pain considering I have pores the size of the craters on the moon!

And guys, lemme just tell you this. It f*ckin HURTS like MAD! The beautician was kind enough to sort-of walk me through the process - informing me "I'm going to wash your face now" and "Close your eyes, I'm applying the eye treatment" and so-on. That was nice - enjoyable even, but when she got to the piercing and unblocking the pores, it was nightmare for me! I lost count how many "Ouch!" I let out! (Kinda shows how bad my skin really was.. ~.~"). When I glanced over on her side, at one point I caught her dozing off. Apparently, for someone who was a little reluctant at first seemed to be enjoying herself! HAHA!

After the piercing and unblocking of pores tho, the session got much much better (and no, it didn't really hurt that much.. I was exaggerating as always.. haha!). We rather enjoyed the face massage and masks, and the cleansing towards the end. Then the neck treatment - I was half expecting a neck and shoulder massage - but instead got a firm but gentle beating on the neck and shoulders with the palms of their hands which lasted for 5, maybe 10 seconds or so. 

All-in-all, it was a good session., and we both agreed to go again if and when we have the time and budget. For me tho, this is one thing to cross off my want-to-do list. 

An example of HTC weather widget

Ok let's see a show of hands: How many of y'all out there use weather apps on your phone? HTC users - particularly with Android and Sense UI will know that it has one of the most stunning weather widget for the homescreen - integrated together with the digital flip-clock. There are also a myriad of other apps found on Google Play store that offers weather apps so stunning that some never even looked back to their stock weather widget anymore. 

But get this, what if I tell you, there exist somewhere in the millions of apps in Google Play, you will find a weather widget for your android phone that comes with a friggin sense of humor! Sure you can look out the window to see it's a sunny day or whether or not to bring an umbrella or pack a poncho before leaving the house, but hey, why not have some fun with it? 

FWeather Widget is what I'm talking about. Please mind that the app does use profane language that some find offensive, but for those who can tolerate it and laugh you silly a**es off when you glance at your phone, here's the installation link.