RefLecTioN

Tanjong Manis Part II

2011-03-10T02:06:00.001-08:00

Q6.. that's the assigned name of the house I live in here in Tanjong Manis. Spacious, quite comfortable, wooden house.. very kampong style. I have little to complain.. other that the insects and critters that woke me from sleep every night, its good..

But when you have many people living under the same roof, spacious as it may be, you cant help but feel your privacy's been ripped away. And you have to put up with them.. Just throw a smile, and hope for the best..

One thing that I can't stand tho, is that they always crank up the a/c to the max.. add the fan on maximum, and viola, you have yourself an indoor winter.. I mean, it's windy here.. cool breeze.. to me, I'm just comfortable with the natural breeze.. to them, hey, its free.. why not use it? I happen to forget to bring my sweater.. Its gonna be a long, cold night..

But on a different note, this house rocks!!! I mean, literally.. It shakes and sways and when you're lying down, on the floor or in bed, you feel it.. I assure you its safe. How would I describe the feeling.. its as if someones rocking you to sleep. Which is very very soothing..

I just hope tap water is not an issue this time round.. I've been lucky so far, but there are times when you turn the tap open, nothing comes out.. well, two more nights.. fingers crossed!!

P.S. I Love You

2011-03-09T08:05:00.000-08:00

OMG You guys are so gonna call me sappy or melodramatic from this particular post, but hey, I dont care.. I just finished watching 1 of my favorite movie, and currently listening to the soundtracks on youtube.. its P.S. I Love You.. Hands up if u also love this movie..

It is such a perfect love movie.. with a little bit of everything.. Corny lines, silly jokes, tear-jerking scenes.. haiz.. its just perfect.. If you haven't watch it, please do.. Its grand.. I promise..

The movie's about this american girl who fell in love and got married with an irish lad. Too bad, the irish guy died.. end of story.. kidding!!! hahaha.. thats just the beginning..

So this girl had a total breakdown about the loss of her husband.. he died of a brain tumor, btw. A few weeks later, the girl started to receive letters from her late husband.. *rambling starts here* You gotta watch it to understand it. Its not a scary movie or any sort.. *end of rambling*

so the letters contain plans that the late husband made for the girl.. How to move on with her life, go out, meet new people, take a vacation, find a job etc etc.. but that's one of the best parts about the movie.. I felt myself holding back tears as each letter was narrated..

And the soundtracks.. genius I tell ya.. each song was perfect for each scene.. nothing was out of place.. Also, partly becuz Hillary Swank was the main actress and Gerard Butler was her husband.. late husband.. whatever.. haha.. Couldn't have picked a better cast..

So anyways, go and watch it.. Here's a couple of soundtracks that I particularly love.

P.S. I Love You by Bette Midler

Love You Til The End by The Pogues

Tanjong Manis

2011-03-09T05:19:00.000-08:00

Tanjong Manis, Mukah.. Yes, it is spelt with an 'o' ... If u come here, please, have little or no expectations at all. Otherwise, 'o' will be the answer to all statements that you hear..

This is the longest period I have to stay here, so far.. 1 whole week.. 4 days n 3 nights alone.. Days is fine - I'm at the office most of the time.. At night.. well, lets just say that when the cat is away, the mouse came out to play.. literally.. and play they did.. I couldnt sleep well for 3 nights fearful of the rat creeping in while I'm asleep and nibble my ears off..

But staying alone have its own advantages.. I get the whole rest house all to myself.. plenty of space to lie and sleep, and plenty of mattresses too.. Last night I stacked 3 mattresses and.. errr.. woke up the next morning with a slight back pain.. too much of good stuffs can be hazardous sometimes.. luckily it went away after a few hours..

And being alone, I seem to eat less.. And exercise more.. been jogging round the neighborhood since the first day I'm here.. doing push ups, sit ups, a little bit of self-taught yoga.. beats lying around doing nothing at all, yeah?

Well, tomorrow's my fifth day.. gonna b back in Kuching Saturday evening, and flying to KL early Sunday morning.. Not that I'm complaining tho.. haha

Mee Mamak

2011-02-28T08:06:00.001-08:00

A couple of nights after the gate incident, me n two of my friends hung out at After 3. Before, this was one of our favourite spot to hang out, simply becuz it was the nearest and the only 1 directly on our way back from the gym. Reason we stopped going there was when it closed for renovation. didnt feel the same abput going there after.

Well, I have to say I was surprised. The service has been upped tremendously. Orders came in swiftly and without much waiting time. And, it was a lot served on a large plate. I mean, I've never seen mee mamak fill up a whole plate, and with volume.. If I weren't so hungry I wouldnt be able to finish it all by myself.

And I have to say it is 4.5 out of 5. Point 5 lost due to the fact that it tasted different from the original mee mamak. Something's just kinda off.. but it tasted yummy none the less..

We'll probably b hanging out there more soon. I hope I could get a pic as proof. I was so hungry I forgot.. haahaha

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Car crash...

2011-02-23T04:35:00.000-08:00

*sigh* I was blank for the most part today.. doing my tasks, completed a few before attempting the bigger and badder ones.. but most of the time, my hands seems to be doing the tasks by itself.. i was phasing out every now and then, having trouble to focus..

When the clock hits 5-ish, I was glad that its time to go home.. Just went on my merry way.. driving.. phasing out... driving.. singing and driving.. phasing out.. luckily it was a mere 15 minutes drive..

So I got home, got out of the car to open the gates.. peeked inside, saw my dad some cats loose.. I though - well, I put the car inside later.. wouldnt want to accidently kill my cats.. I got back inside my car to park it outside the gate.. and then, this happened..

nuffsaid...

Yukimi Sushi

2011-02-22T06:23:00.001-08:00

After almost a week craving for sushi, finally had a chance to dine at a Malay owned sushi restaurant - Yukimi Sushi. Located at Matang, behind eMart, on the same block with KK Superstore, it has a decent choice of japanese menu, sushi included.. It also has a branch at Satok Walk, the new wing of Wisma Satok.

Before going into the sushi n other menus there, let me talk about the place first. This is the Matang branch.. Its cozy, very home-like setting.. few seats, the place is quite small.. some Japanese style ornaments here n there, including the fish-shaped door chime.. Wasabe n soy sauce placed on the table, which is pretty common for a japanese dining place.. my rating, 7.5 out of 10.. could do without the light around the window frame, and the tv is a distraction for conversation.. I personally prefer music..

The menu - to my dissapointment, soba n udon r out of stock.. I settled with a grilled salmon bento and a set of various of sushi.. my friend who were with me as well ordered another salmon dish, and the other had tori-something bento set, which was essentially chicken fried with bread crumb based batter..

I have to say I was deeply dissapointed. The salmon on the sushi was not fresh at all. N grilled salmon tasted a lot like tenggiri.. the wasabi had no kick in it, n miso soup was more like soy sauce soup. There was no seaweed at all in it. Instead, they put crab meat..

But the wakane or sea weed sushi was almost delicious. Almost, but not quite. The batter on the takoyaki had too much flour in it that the taste of tako, or baby octopus, was barely there. Same goes for teriyaki.. this is the deep fried prawn. The bread crumbs masks the prawn so much that it overpowers the taste of the prawn.. Perhaps the most displeasing was the staleness of salmon, as well as the rice quality.. tasted like normal rice, instead of the ones used in Sushi King.

For food, its a mere 3 out of 10. For effort tho, 7 out of 10.. hey, at least somebody tried, rite?

Haiz.. I miss Sushi King even more.. all in all, it was a dissapointing experience.. A bit more training, and better n fresher ingredients, the perhaps it'll at least put up a decent fight against Sushi King..

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Stressed out

2011-02-21T09:29:00.001-08:00

As of late, I've got a lot of things on my mind.. This n that and what not, stuffs that involves me directly, indirectly and even thought of stuffs that are unrelated to me at all.. it just stresses me out.. I'm tired..

Work probably has most to do with it.. so many things to do, so little time.. But then again, I suppose other people are just as stressed about work as I am.. maybe even more..

But I hate being stressed out.. cuz I get emotional when I am stressed.. Not in the common stress-anger, but rather soppy cry-baby kind.. I can't watch soppy movies or listen to slow song, cuz I'd probably b holding back silly tears.. n I can't let myself be alone.. I'd probably burst into a crying fit that would probably last about 5 seconds.. wierd, I know.. haha

I'd usually keep myself bz.. play games, surf.. do something.. but it doesnt seem to work anymore.. any other suggestions?

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Malaysian food critics

2011-02-20T18:59:00.001-08:00

Are you a fan of food documentaries? These are such as Jalan2 Cari Makan n series that r on Astro AFC or Travel n Living? Notice the differences between Malaysian n western food documentaries? I did..

Western food documentaries and chef shows usually tells us many many many useful information. Tips on how to make the meat tender, what herbs to use n what not.. I'm not an expert about food - I just eat them. But these documentaries n shows are very informative..

As oppose to Malaysian food documentaries n shows, especially Jalan2 Cari Makan, they commonly talk about how good the food it. Period. Then the host would go about if u want to know how good the food is, try it yourself. How helpful or informative is that?

Had a conversation about this with a friend over dinner the other nite, he said, to which I agree, it boils down to the question : Do we (Malaysians) care? I suppose not many of us do.

In any case, I'll b blogging about food as well.. where to eat what, specifically in Kch.. note that being a Muslim, my place to dine is somewhat limited. First complaint being Sushi King is officially non-halal since the introduction of the 4 new alcohol added sushis... haiz...

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Toastmasters

2011-02-20T18:46:00.001-08:00

Not so recently I've been quite active with Toastmasters. STIDC formed its own in house Toastmasters Club, a platform on which members are able to train n practice public speaking and impromptu speech skills. Highly recommended for thise who aim to deliver an effective speech. It also teaches the skill on speech management and organization, emphasizing on the time management and objective of the speeches.

Its good in a way that it teaches you the basics of what effective speech is, and how to deliver it. In addition, you learn to control your nervousness in speaking in front of a crowd, and voice control.

However, in my previous experiences with Toastmasters, which was in my college years, I learnt the huge difference between adult toastmasters, and students toastmasters, especially in evaluation. Students are more critical, and comments made are straightforward and adresses the speaker's problems and how to improve themselves. Adults, however, tend to sugar-glaze comments, IMO making it hard to interpret what areas require improvements. So I sorta learnt another skill - how to sugar-glaze comments.. Quite a contradiction to my preferences, which is to say it blutly.. but I suppose I have to adapt to environment..

In any case, in Toastmasters, I hope to be a quality speaker, and not just aim to complete the speech projects to gain the recognition that Toastmasters gives. Quality, being the keyword..

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haiz.. been gone again..

2011-02-20T18:00:00.001-08:00

Trying as much as possible to steal time to blog. The thing is that the app on my phone crashed almost everytime I tried to post a new post. So now I've got a new app.. n gonna give it a go.. mind the typo.. haha

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Android OS

2010-09-30T03:26:00.001-07:00

Ever since I got my HTC Desire I've ben pleasantly (and sometimes blindly) surprised at the amazing rate technology is progessing. Nowadays, I cannot leave home without my Desire. Everything I need to keep in touch with the rest of the world is here.

Desire features an Andoid OS. When asked wtf is that, my answer is simply something between appli iPhone OS, and Blackberry RIM OS. the best part of Android, specially if u also have HTC Sense is that u'll never get bored. I can change the way my phone looks and feels at any time, and simple too. Also some featuees that I find really really handy many many times.

Well, I'll cover apps on my next post. Gonna hit the gym soon.

I'm mobile..

2010-09-29T09:08:00.001-07:00

fuh.. after months of silence I finally have not just the time but also the technology and connection to resume blogging. So expect more updates from me from time to time yes? aite.. thats all for now folks. C ya round...

small celebration, big laugh...

2009-07-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

Last nite I celebrated my birthday humbly with my family... had simple Chinese style fried rice with fried fish (huh?) and home made coleslaw (is that spelled right? moreover, what's with the menu? - at least that was what I thought to myself).. anyways we all enjoyed some family conversation and all that...

And these were from the night before... A small gathering @ McD after watching Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince.. Awesome movie, as HP always have been....

my very special evening...

2009-07-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a particularly tiring day... Mom woke me up early and had me tag along as she went to Pasar Minggu and bought some vege's... Next stop was my cousin's house, drop the vege's there for a small family gathering later that evening... after about 10 minutes at home (it was already noon by the time we reached home) I rushed to the office to do a little work to make up for lost time today (had this seminar thingy that took all morning so I settled some work yesterday)..

At about 4 I left the office and went str8 to my cousin's house... Managed myself a few minutes of shut-eyes, and had dinner there... After dinner me n my cousins planned to play bowling.. I had suspected that there'd be no lanes by the time we reaced there (it was about 8.30pm) and just decided to watch a movie instead... then things start to pick up.. We managed Harry Potter, at 9.30... and during that movie my brother called and planned a very small gathering of our own at mcD... well, I have to say it was the eve of my birthday afterall, so I just went along.. and i guess its true that beauty and value lies in the very simplest things... My birthday (technically, cuz it was about 12.30 am when we reached mcD), got my brother with me, my cousins and some friends of ours... just small drinks and big chatter...

Gotta say tho, Harry Potter's good but the end is rather anti-climax... wont reveal it to those who haven't watched or read the book yet.. it's too bad that someone died...

House Renovation Week 1

2009-07-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

Early this year our family moved into a new house (which btw is about 8 minutes drive from our old =.=").. I've been alternating between the old and new, having some stuffs here and there.. Normally I'd go back to our new house, have dinner there and around 8pm or so drove to our old and sleep there... In the morning I'd either leave for work from our old house or stop by the new to check on a few stuffs...

Anyways, after almost four months, my parents decided to expand the house a bit. We're short 1 room for my big bro in the new house, and the kitchen is too small its hard on the eyes.. So, here's a blog of our renovation week 1...

Here's where the extension begins - from the kitchen.. The small window is actually the toilet which will be moved to make room for the kitchen...

The piling columns were all grounded and in place on Saturday - 5th July..

The new drain's dug up to replace the old which will be buried under the house..

Dad talks with my uncles about the whole renovation thingy... The new expansion takes up a 22 x 22 ft area which includes a bigger kitchen (wet and dry area), my new room, my brother's room and the toilet... Dad said something about having a room for out cats as well, but my brain's not designed to work with plans (and maps for that matter) so I dont really get where everything goes...

And the back gate... The walls are no longer there, torn down yesterday.. Gonna replace it with a sturdier gate...

Well, thats it for week 1, hopefully the progress picks up speed cuz I hope to spend this coming Raya at the new house.. till then....

between illustration Illustrator, Photoshop, flashing Flash and dreaming Dreamweaver...

2009-07-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

After almost 3 months developing a fancy flashy site using Adobe Flash CS3, all I could come up with are simple effects that took weeks to develop... and I thought to myself, the Adobe suite isn't limited to just Flash and Photoshop... Having liberated from that thought, I came up with a better design... and remembering what my boss told me during the last meeting, "think outside the box - don't confine yourself"... well... there you go... LIBERATED, I completed at least 75% of the whole site in just 3 days... huahahahaha...

but that's just half of it....

database... MUCH???!!!

2009-06-11T01:14:00.000-07:00

Call me an IT freak, I dont care... I love working with computers and data... especially programming and database... but then I'm the only one I know who likes working with databases.. as such, whenever I hit a snag (which I always do), I'd get annoyed cuz I have but me to ask... I dunno anyone else to ask... frustrating cuz I have the basic idea in my head, but when it comes to putting them into something that works, it kills me... haiz... is there anyone out there who can help a total noob like me?

hello's and goodbye's...

2009-05-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

just came back from d airport after sending off a friend and I wondered to myself why does it feel so sad everytime I send someone off... I mean everyone feels sad but I'd go all hollow and start recalling times spent together.. It's not like they're gone for good.. I guess to me hello's and goodbye's meant just as much as the whole relationship... Then I turned on the music player on my phone and I got Yuna's tracks... one of which was very deep...

Yuna
Missing Star

I can never really tell you why
I've been missing you a lot
And I just have to take another look
at your photo in my wallet
And there's no reason why
I keep your T-shirt by my side (my version is I keep your picture by my side)
when I sleep
Pretending you were never really gone....

Its like a missing star
that's always been up in your sky
Its like the rainbow never comes
after the rain
Its like the sun never rises
in every of your morning
How am I supposed to live without these things
They are all you....

I just love the guitar accompaniment...

wah...so long didnt update...

2009-05-20T01:37:00.000-07:00

almost 2 months went by without me updating my blog.. huhu.. I was either too tired, too bored, did too much thinking of what to write in the posts - then though OMG thats too long and ended up didnt posting cuz too lazy... LOL...

Anyways, a summary of activities I've been tied with since 2 months ago ..

1. BOWLING...

This is loads of fun... at least for me... my current average is 120, but then at times my score can be as bad as 80... got my own bowling kit recently... Also joined the Digi 174 and below tournament with some of my office mates...

2. JUMPSTYLE

Also tons of fun... truthfully, unlike shuffle which I could listen and enjoy the hard bassed music, I still cant bring myself to like jumpstyle music. But once I start jumping, I kinda forgot I hated the 'bouncy' music... like I said, tons of fun...

3. LOADS of ReFLeCtINg

Yup.... have you ever had these moment when you're alone or with family/friends and suddenly it feels like you're looking at yourself as a second or third person? Like, instead of thinking "Why am I doing this?" you're thinking "Why is he doing that?" but referring to yourself? huhu... confusing, isn't it?

but then I learned a few things about myself... my actions and reactions, my speech and response, and a bunch of other stuffs..

I am now 23 (coming to, actually, but that doesnt change the fact that I am getting older *sigh*).. I guess I'm already in that stage of life thinking I need more consistency, more security and more ... erm.... money? hahaha... truth is that what I'm currently earning every month isnt enough... I find myself strictly controlling my budget on a weekly basis... and probably this month's the worst... hope my pay comes out soon... tons of bills to pay *sigh*...

talk about consistency, bowling steadily becomes one of the activities that I constantly go to... every Sunday afternoon, sometimes up to 6 games on the roll.. and now with the tournament for 19 weeks (now its at week-3) I'm bowling twice a week... another consistency is being late for work... dunno why I just cant get up easily in the morning anymore... last time I used to wake up on the first alarm... nowadays I keep snoozing the alarm and falling right back to sleep... hit me with a pan and probably that'll make me fine again..

I'm also constantly fighting with a certain friend.. I guess we're close enough to understand each other, but somehow something always manages to cause either one of us to get mad at each other... then tomoorow comes and we went like good buddies again, until another thing comes up and we'd get angry at each other again... most of the time, its cuz I was over reacting to the fact that he's not reacting at all... other times it was just stupid... but then I guess thats how the two of us are and probably thats how the two of us will be... hey, there you go.. a secret to having a good friend.. hahaha

and then there's the issue of security... not economically secure (I'm at a less than secure state, but just secure enough for me to get by).. I'm talking about emotionally secure.. I'm sure a lot of us are feeling that way - just the way we react to it is different.. some expresses it openly, others cover up by acting up... me? I'm just a plain old idealist... I know what I want, I know where to get it, I know how to get it, I probably have enough guts to go for it, I can plan for the perfect time to get it, but (being rational and partly realist) I can never quite get it... That is the main cause of my insecurity... *sigh* too bad there's not much I can do about it...

in any case, I've been here and there... seen lots, heard lots, felt lots... but I dont think I can ever get enough... conclusion? one day at a time... hahaha...

til next time.... too-tle-oooo...

Idealist VS Realist

2009-03-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

Lets talk about something a little heavy this time round.. Idealist, or realist, which defines you more? Probably no one can say for sure one is an idealist, or a realist, since decisions are made based on conditions and consequences... but then one can say dominantly one is either, and as such help shed some light into one's own life and probably understood why things happen to one the way they did...

Idealist practice envisioning things in an ideal form, or in simpler term aiming for perfection.

Realist see things in literal truth and pragmatism, or more grounded on reality (hence the name).

Having said the definition, it becomes clear that idealist and realist contradict each other. However, both seem to deny the basic property of human... To be human is to be flawed, in which idealism cannot apply... However to accept life and reality literally only results in average, which deny a human of his potential...

Another significant contradiction...

To be an idealist is to reach for the stars. However, idealist often get lost in their dreams, and as a result can get an out-of-touch aura about them..

To be a realist is to be ready to accept reality... Much better prepared for good or bad compared to an idealist. However, a realist often focused too much on the reality and aim much lower, or only aims something that can be reached with assurance.. Realist often miss out the few times that human does reach excellence...

So, up to this point, you should have a basic idea which you are dominant at.. If not, keep reading... In the end, I'll tell you which am I...

Is the glass half empty, or half full?

This is a common question in determining one's perception, as an optimist or a pessimist.. We can classify these two into branches of idealist and realist... Optimist are idealist, and pessimist are realist.. classifying onself does not mean reasing or lowering the humanity of oneself.. We cannot say that idealist is better than realist, nor the other way around..

If you see the glass as half empty, you are commenting on the fact that it is missing half of it's contents.. You see it as it is, and accept that the half empty cannot be gained back.. (assuming the contents cannot be changed).. You accept that the content is imperfect, and that you may not be able to do anything about it..

If you see the glass as half full, you are thinking ideally that the glass is only at half it it's capacity... Again, assuming the contents cannot be changed, you still hold on to the idea that there is something that you can do to make the content of the glass full.. You are ignoring the reality, and thinking ideally if you have to do something with the half full content of the glass, you will have an ideal thought of how to use it..

I am an idealist.. I see the glass as half full.. I am optimistic about life, and refuse to accept reality literally.. To me, there is always something more to life than what is seen, and more to feel, more to touch, more to love, and more to do.. but at the same time, being aged (not old, mind you..) I am also aware of the imperfect world and that my ideals do not apply to it.. I am aware of the failures, hurt, despair and reality.. However I refuse to let it bother me, as I believe in the human potential... As long as I can still breathe, I will live.. I will see, and I will touch, I will feel, I will love, and I will do, despite all the failures, despite all the hurt, despite all despair, and despite reality....

How bout you?

Wise words of Mother Theresa...

2009-03-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

This goes to every1 as a reminder to live a full life ahead.. And a reminder to myself that I live, and I am alive, and this is exactly where I want to be, not anywhere else... Even if I was given a chance to go back to the past and change something (some things I am tempted to change, but I think in the end it'll end up the way it did), I won't...

This is it... I'm letting go of the past.. Who I am is who I want to be, and no one can say any damn thing about it...

Tanjong Manis...

2009-03-07T03:11:00.000-08:00

Hey readers, its been a while... I was not just busy with work, but also faced a slight relationship dilemma.. No biggy though... In any case, I'm more keen on focusing on work now rather than moping around all day being so unproductive...

Newsflash y'all, I'm at Tanjung Manis... My office arranged a celebration here at Tanjung Manis called HARI TANJUNG MANIS or TANJUNG MANIS DAY (duhh...).. Not much background on it since I'm pretty new here, but probably the main objective is to have the office and PUSAKA itself to be connected with the people living here... Also the day is held in conjuction with the prophet's birthday... well, enough of that...

Most of the times, I think of myself as a miserable person, but apparently a lot of people dont think or believe that I am.. Makes me wonder... The trip to our check point before Tanjung Manis was Serian... We had brunch there and went through the long (almost 5 hours) trip... I kept to myself most of the time, lost in thoughts and holding back puke (haha)...

We arrived at Sarikei around 4 and check into King's Inn.. Small inn, but at least there's a room with proper bed and toilet to stay in.. My roommate complained about a dozen things, but I'm happy with free wireless provided there..

And then at night after going round the small town of Sarikei, we hung out at the waterfront where the peers are (yup, the one with express boats n such, not peers as in friends) and snapped a few dozens of pictures.. The practical students I hung out with were not really big on pictures and photographs, so its actually a bummer.. There were a lot of places to take pictures at, but they settled for a bench... huhu... (doesnt sound like miserable at all.... ??)

The bed was a bed - and I accepted it the was it is and for the purpose it served... no complains, no questions.. It was just for a night... I wont die sleeping on an uncomfortable bed - which by they way, the bed did not turn out.. It wasn't comfy either, but I slept and thats the most important part (either idealist, or realist - but definitely not miserablist.. haha)

The next vehicle (if I can classify it to be a vehicle) was a speedboat.. Definitely nothing to complain about... What could be better? The sun in your eyes, the wind blowing at your face.. good company... snapped some more photos... but there was something still on my mind at that time.. Only the boat ride was soooo thrilling I can easily push it aside...

The house where we stayed at Tajung Manis had no TV, no washing machines, no radio and no no complains.. here and there the rest of them talk about this being missing of that being incomplete or things should or shouldnt be there.. well, it's a house none the less... a good place to stay.. if its not homey, then its up to us who stays in it to make it homey, right? Cant expect other people to do it for you, can you? huhu.. so much for being miserable...

I guess I am no longer that miserable guy i used to be.. Still have things on my mind, but other people are the same, and if they can live a sunny life even if its raining, why cant I? I'll just shine my own way through.. right? being miserable taught me how to find the source of happiness, even in the smallest, simplest thing like putting up banners and wrapping up gifts and presents for contest winners..

a few more busy days and its work as normal.. I look forward to it.. hahaha.. so much for being miserable... Tanjung Manis brought me a sweet realization along with a sweet escape....

work work work work work...

2009-02-13T01:57:00.001-08:00

Hey guys.. havent been updating my blog at all these days.. I'm actually very busy still, but Imma sneek some time off.. I need a break anyways..

Hrm... on January 15th, I started working at STIDC/PUSAKA at Wisma Sumber Alam as a computer technician thanks to my good friend who introduced me.. It felt great at that time, and now it felt even better.. I'm just hoping I dont get ahead of myself, thats all.. hrm.. I'm not gonna drag much about work.. just that I'd get so absorbed with it sometimes to the point of not having much time to enjoy myself with family and friends.. not that its the time for enjoying anyways...

second big news.. rather sad one, actually.. January 30th was the passing of my grandmother, one that was closest to us.. I was rather devastated on the day itself, cuz i did get to leave the office early and was planning on visiting her at the hospital (the rest of my family was already there except my big brother who was at KL).. I just arrived home to change into t-shirt and jeans when my mom called and passed the news.. I only got to see her after me and my dad arraged her burial needs later that night..

Third big news... just a few days after that, I had a heart to heart conversation with a close friend.. that night words that should've been kept silent was spoken, and because of that, our relationship changed drastically.. It was nobody's fault, and if anything, neglect and ignorance was to be blamed for.. We're both still trying to patch things up.. As far as things go for now, the future looks gloomy.. but I'm keeping positive.. I mean, friendship is something that you dont give up on on a limb, and it takes a real friend to really admit fault, and even more to forgive and forget...

well... thats all updates for now... huhu... felt a little better now that that's out and open.. oopppssss.. seems that i've taken a liiitle too long to blog.. haha..

Raindrops keep falling on my head.. part 2

2009-01-18T07:58:00.000-08:00

Sweet little words made for silence
Not talk
Young heart for love
Not heartache
Dark hair for catching the wind
Not to veil the sight of a cold world

Kiss while your lips are still red
While he`s still silent
Rest while bosom is still untouched, unveiled
Hold another hand while the hand`s still without a tool
Drown into eyes while they`re still blind
Love while the night still hides the withering dawn

First day of love never comes back
A passionate hour`s never a wasted one
The violin, the poet`s hand,
Every thawing heart plays your theme with care

Kiss while your lips are still red
While he`s still silent
Rest while bosom is still untouched, unveiled
Hold another hand while the hand`s still without a tool
Drown into eyes while they`re still blind
Love while the night still hides the withering dawn

OMG this song is so beautiful, by the metal band Nightwish... I've just recently discovered them, and this song in particular strays from their music genre which was generally metal.. but I love it... The melody, the lyrics, and the singer.. reminds me a lot of a friend.. him and I shared quite a lot together, and I guess this post is about him.. Raindrops keep falling on my head symbolizes that althought we went through rough and awkward times, but they dont worry me (at least I try not to let them get to me).. between us, for me, que sera sera.. as long as we're still friends, we can survive being each other's friend.. (that sounds wierd...)

Well anyways, I made a promise to myself that aside from family and my girlfriend, I'd take care of you.. I cant really do much, and I dont know what you expect of me, but know this.. I'll try my best to help with whatever you need..

I dont know why, and I cant explain it, but everytime when I'm with you, I feel safe and calm... a different kind of safe and calm that I felt for my girlfriend.. I try not to guess how you feel about me, and I hope vice versa.. I fear that it might just tear us apart.. I dont make friends easily, but when I do, I hope to keep them forever.. Like you...

You're special, thats how I'd describe you.. (I'd describe everyone with that word, but to each his own...) You're easy-going, and at the same time uptight.. a bit stubborn but tolerating just as much.. You complain a lot (that makes two of us, I tend to complain a lot at times too..), very reserved on compliments, and I have to say, you look really cute when you're complaining about something or another.. I like to hear you talk sometimes, but the common silence between us is also some of my best conversations with anyone..

You're different now, but still the same person that I knew.. But I tell myself that you didnt change, instead opening up and revealing your true colours.. and I'd like to see more of those colours if you would let me... I like your smile, and the tone of your voice.. We dont joke with each other as much as we used to... I wonder why.. probably cuz some of our common friends are no longer around.. huhu.. I know i'm not as much fun to hang out with without them, but we used to do many fun stuffs together... I cant remember the last time we went bowling or catch a movie..

I'll admit that we dont get along very well together.. That I may never feel the same way about you as you feel for me... And that there's gonna be a lot of silent and awkward times when we're together, you being who you are and me being who I am, but trust me.. I'm ok with it.. I wanna be there for you whether you need me or not, and I know I'll probably fail miserably once or twice, but I'm only human.. I'll try my best, and God will do the rest.. and I always try to make up for it..

Well... we'll have a chat soon enough, and sure enough it'll probably be awkward.. but we'll get through it and laugh about it.. probably.. just be nice, and be safe always...

Raindrops keep falling on my head...

2009-01-13T04:20:00.000-08:00

I wonder if any1 knows this song... I'd be killing two birds with 1 stone with this post...

Raindrops keep falling on my head
Just like a guy who's feeling too big for his bed
Nothing seems to fit
Those raindrops keep falling on my head, they keep falling...

And so I did me some talking to the sun
And I said I didnt like the way he got things done
Sleeping on the job
Those raindrops keep falling on my head, they keep falling...

But there's one thing, I know
The blue days sent to meet me wont defeat me
It wont be long til happiness steps up to greet me..

Raindrops keep falling on my head
But that doesnt mean my eyes would soon be turning red
Crying's not for me
Cuz I'm not gonna stop the rain by complaining
Because I'm free
Nothing's worrying me...

Well I cant claim that the lyrics are correct 100%, but thats what I remember them to be... And why do I think that this song just fits the moment? Cuz its raining all over kuching causing massive flood everywhere, and its also raining inside of me... huhuhu.. lets talk about the rain outside first...

I'm probably the last to blog about the recent downpours that flooded like ... 80% of Kuching... (ok, extremely over-exaggerating, but you get the point. It was bad.. like really bad) Luckily my house survived.. so far.. lets hope it keeps that way til this rainy days pass.. On the other hand, I did suffer minor damage to our Kelisa.. I was out on the monday morning, it was the 12th, if I was not mistaken.. I sent my brother to UiTM Kota Samarahan early that morning, and left for home at about 7.40am.. It was backed out all the way to the roundabout at Tabuan there, so i opted alternative route through Kuching, thinking that it cant be more jammed than the usual traffic lights... How wrong was I... Stuck for 3 hours in what I would call the worst traffic jam in Kuching EVER!!! and just as I though things couldn't get any worst, I had a terrible stomach ache... It took almost 20 minutes to cross the Satok Flyover, which was about what, a couple of hundred metres long? 20 freakin minutes in the car in the traffic jam with the rain pouring and a stomach ache.. I saw this lady in a pink Toyota Vits inching to the side of the road, killed the engine and rushed into the a restaurant.. she came out a few minutes later with a relieved face.. Guess she must've done her business eh? I on the other hand, dont dare to leave my car unattended in the middle of the road.. I mean, what if suddenly the road clears and my car suddenly became the cause of another traffic jam? Paranoid much..

During the painstakingly torturing slow crawl pass Satok building, I managed to do a few things I never thought I could do while seated in the drivers seat in a car (that means while driving, in short) I was able to finish reading a magazine which (thank God) was in the car... I did some paper origami's.. Stepped out of the car in the middle of the road to close the duel tank cover and the trunk of the car which I purposely accidently intended to open (it was really really boring sitting in the car, I practically pulled on anything and everthing there was to pull)... I almost made friends with the driver beside me.. Had he not been driving a pickup truck, we could've talked eye to eye.. His car was too high to make eye contact comfortably, so we simply smiled at each other.. (I managed to make him chuckle when I lifted the magazine I was reading).. so there, a list of impossible (not anymore) things to do when driving a car.. (i didnt include calling and sms cuz 1. I didnt call or sms anyone during the whole ordeal, and 2. Calls and sms are possible when driving a car, but I seriously dont reccommend it.. Safety first, my fellow drivers.. safety first)

Well, inevitably, I finally got to the Satok bridge (jambatan gantung ... err... hanging bridge?! surely it has another more suitable name...) and saw how bad the flood was.. The river was overflowing til it drowned the road under the bridge.. The tree in the roundabout looked like a tiny stranded island.. funny, but not to laugh about.. My grandma's house (just the kitchen cuz her house was built on stilts) was flooded up to my chest..

anyways, that same night i just had to go out to the city with a friend.. Sure enough, satok was submerged... I had to drive through the water, and with slight experience previously, I managed to get the car across safely... or so I thought... Here's a tip.. If you're driving a manual car across water, never ever switch gear.. Use low gear, like 1 or 2, but from the moment u press the acceleration pedal, dont ever press the clutch and raise or lower the gear.. Just maintain the rpm at a constant speed, and you'll be fine.. If u raise or lower the gear, and if your exhaust is submerged underwater, it will suck in water and you'll be stranded.. thats one thing.. the other thing is you'll need a trip to the mechanic for an engine overhaul and that is expensive.. huhu.. straying again... the damage to my kelisa was i lost the front plate number, and since i misjudged the water level, water actually seeped through the doors and flooded the interior.. wet and everything, even now it still stinks...

Too bad I left my broken nokia 3250 at home during the traffic jam and the flood.. This post wouldn't be so boring with pictures and videos of the flood..

to be continued... God, I didnt think I'd ramble this much...

ReFLecTiOn part 3

2008-12-26T04:28:00.000-08:00

Like I said in my previous post, I seriously need to take charge of my own life.. I was always so bent on ensuring the people around me get what they expect of me, and often at the cost of my own errrr... something... happiness, freedom, choice... just to name a few.. And recently, about a month ago to be exact, I let (again) my cousin's and brother's problem (and not to mension her boyfriend as well) interfere with my own life.. At the heavy cost of Kuching, I agreed to move to KL to sort things out...

Did things got sorted out? You can say that... The main reason I came to KL was to kick out a couple of freeloaders - non-family freeloaders - out of the house.. Well, that is if you can call them guys anymore.. the're on the fast lane to girly-girly land.. sissy ba**ards.. So far, I've managed to kick out 1... Watch out, this mouth of mine is pretty merciless, and the poor guy practically packed his bag the moment my cousin turned her back on us.. haha.. the other now is constantly hovering in my cousin's shadow..

Yeah I could take the easy way out n tell my cousin to throw them out (literally, I wish), but it was her decission to take them in when my brother screwed up with the responsibility of taking care of her and the house.. I'm always here to clean up his mess..

Well anyways, I cant seem to put sense into the other guy.. I've been blunt to him and told him that my cousin is now surrounded with family, and she's been with her boyfriend for almost 6 years now... You, my friend (NOT) are nobody, and I suggest you pack up your things and get the h*ll out.. There's only two rooms in this house, my cousin sure owns 1... and myself? I sure aint gonna let you go all queen in the other room.. No sirry, that room is mine, and I'mma share it with my bro.. No place for you here, so just get out..

That failed ROYALLY... seems he's thicker than my b*tchy mouth can pierce.. How could any1 be so dense? In any case, I give up... My cousin seems to like having her around anyways, in spite of her boyfriend (and my brother) who wouldnt stay in the same room as he's in...

But thats not the thing that bothers me.. see thi thing is, my brother and the boyfriend would eternally made fun of him.. He's a guy, with the body of a guy, the face of a guy, and the voice of a guy, and he acts as if he's a girl.. queeny.. I have nothing against them, really.. I've got so many kind of friends, and as long as they respect themselelves, and as long as they respect me (or stay away from me) thats fine... He, on the other hand, being dense as he is, is staying in the same house as I am.. In the same room as my cousin (he sleeps on the floor)..

But the problem is the boyfriend and my brother made fun of him.. (not that he's not a laughing stalk in a sidistic kind of way.. he is).. and the boyfriend constantly remarks that him and I will soon become couples (YUCK to the power of infinity).. I hate that kind of remark.. but I silenced myself and laughed like it was a joke.. a pitiful, corny one at that.. God, I tried.. I TRIED to kick him out, but like I said.. I failed.. and since my cousin is growing fonder of him every single minute she spends with him, there's nothing more that I can do.. So live with it... You only come by for a few hours a few days of the week, but me, I had to LIVE with him under the same roof.. Its harder for me, k? So just stop b*tching about it.. God!!

This afternoon was another session of guy talk and b*tch about the other guy (who at that time was playing badminton outside with my cousin) and it was then that I came up with the new year resolution.. I gotta say, dense as he is, he was the spark of that resolution.. and because of him, I'm gonna stick with it to prove to myself that I dont have to listen to what people say about other people... Who matters most to me is me, and I will now always come first... I'll still be nice, but now I'm gonna add a lot of firmness into that... To my brother and the boyfriend, get over it.. Sayonara old me...

2009 resolution

2008-12-26T04:21:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all... how was Christmas? I must say that although I don't celebrate it, I do feel the spirit of the holidays... Though for me holidays or not makes not much difference since I’ve got nothing to do anyways.. I’ve been lounging around the house, practically rotting myself away.. but then in all that time I spent on my own, and in the midst of occasional conversation with my cousin, her boyfriend, her friend and my own brother, I came to a clear definition of where I am at this particular point of my life... I cant exactly put it into words, but yeah, there’s no mistaking that moment of realization that is just as brief as it is awakening...

I am at that point of my life where I should make a stand.. I should be making my own decisions, those that are important as well as petty... I should be taking charge of my own life, and not let anyone boss me around.. I shouldn’t be just a bystander in their lives (my cousins, her boyfriend, her friend, and even my own brother).. I am alive, and therefore should have my own life.. I love them, but that doesn’t mean that I have to do whatever they expect of me...

So guys, here is my new year resolution.. Year 2009 is going to be a very different year for me.. I know now (owh, it feels so refreshing to finally be awaken) the difference between what is EXPECTED from me, and what I WANT for myself.. And I’ll start with the things that I can control and change...

FIRST is that I am going to make decisions for myself.. My cousin, next to her is her boyfriend, and my brother (I don’t give a damn about that friend of hers that stays in this house.. I’ve had enough crap from him for one lifetime..) always has their way about when it comes to me.. Always wanting me go job hunting here at this company when I clearly don’t fit in (they asked me to go interview for a marketing position even if they know I’m an IT graduate.. No more of that crap.. I decide where I want to work, and that’s that.. And for the most part, they’d always drag me out and about sweet-talking me into buying this and that.. most of them I don’t need.. I’m not gonna eat food that I don’t want to eat, and I’m not gonna wear clothes that I don’t want to wear... The “Ok, I’ll eat that” and “Sure, I think i can wear that” K-rule is now officially GONE!!!

SECOND is that ... well .. since there is a chance of leaking information, I’m gonna keep this to myself.. but I’ll give you guys a hint.. aeroplane..

THIRD I am going to take better care of the ones that matters most in my life.. My family, my girlfriend and all of my friends.. And I’m gonna do all that without compromising my FIRST resolution... and to do that, I have to first take care of myself.. Be more managed and manageable.. be more responsible and take up the responsibilities that I should be taking years ago.. Less selfish, more selfless.. Less mourning about them things that I can’t change or have no control over.. And try to go with the flow for a change instead of charging blindly... Overall, I need to change.. correction, I WANT to change...

FORTH is I am going to get a job, doesn’t have to be my dream job, just a job.. As long as I have the chance to prove what I’m worth, and give myself the pleasure of providing for my brother, my sister, my mom and dad, my girlfriend and my friends, (my my, that’s a lot of mouths to feed) that’s pure satisfaction for me..

FIFTH I am going to get a Masters Degree.. Of course, that cannot be done in one year, but I can start in 2009 right? So there...

There’s my FIVE year 2009 resolution.. To all involved directly or indirectly (whatever that means) in my life, prepare for the coming of K-Rule 2009... My alteredego finally lifts up to its name... Muahahaha!!!!

Dedicated to friends...

2008-12-25T05:09:00.000-08:00

Huhu, sitting around at home is boring... I wanted to go out, but going out means spending cash.. Transportation, food, shopping??!!! .. I managed to lose a few kilos even sitting at home.. There's a treadmill machine here, and I also have a dumb-bell fro weight training.. And occasionally, I'd turn up the music and shuffle at the porch..

Anyways...rambling this post isn't about me rambling about ... me ... (~.~) how pathetic is that? Like I said, this is about my friends, who had backed me up every now and then... hehehe.. Afraid I might offend any1 (or overly complimenting someone else) I'm just gonna dedicate this to all you guys out there... hopefully you all have a blissful new year ahead.. n to all celebrating, Merry Christmas!!!

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant .

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Capture the moment and make it last.
Etch faces and emotions on to photographs.
I'll stand behind the flash,
so you can live in the present and recall the past.

A laugh, a smile, a kiss,
the moments that you truly miss.
Look up at the stars and make a wish,
for the chance to take a few more pics.

Do you remember when?
Moments in the front of the lens.
When we used to be friends?
For one path to start, another must end.

Look back to a memory, a moment, a time.
Days when I held your hand and you held mine.
It was such an uphill climb,
but being with you now, feels so sublime.

to a special someone...

2008-12-13T15:38:00.000-08:00

"i LoVE yOu" ... are words that I could never say to you... perhaps I'm not ready to say it, and also in the back of my mind, I think that you are not ready to hear it... and maybe the two of us will never be ready for it... I know for fact that you know how I feel about you, but both of just tries hard to play it cool and pretend like those feelings were never there... correction, ARE never there... I've been missing you every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day since I came to KL with every single step that I take and every blink of my eyes and every single breath that I take... I know that it sounds so cliche and melodramatic, but I cant seem to get you off of my mind... Every thought, everything in my conciousness tells me that we belong together, or at least I belong to you... But that is the most impossible...

There is a thin line between KNOWING that "i MiSS u" and HOPING that "i MiSS u"... I can never tell how you feel about me beyond friendship, and now that we're physically so far apart, it gets even harder to tell... and to respond... It took me a great deal of effort and herculean strength to not call or send you a message... Its not that I dont want to... I was ... AM afraid that I might catch you at a bad time, or worse, push you away... that day before I left, I told you how much you mean to me, but those are only words and they're barely enough to really describe how I feel inside... I wanted to show you how I feel, but even telling you drained me so much just to overcome that fear of rejection... I had to hold back... I fear I might not be able to pick myself up if I crash and burn...

I've always thought that your friends.. I mean our friends hinders you from letting yourself out to me... When we (the friends and myself included) graduated and each went back to their hometowns, I thought that there'd be just u and I left... it was wishful thinking, I know... But fate has a way to deny me a chance of happiness... or at least a chance to know... I (wishfully) thought that I could send you to college and pick you up after classes... Maybe have lunch together, and do stuffs that lovers do... hahaha.. LoVerS... such a melodramatic word... But its the best that I can come up with...

I miss your smile, and I miss your laughter even though with me, you always held back... You never laughed the same way with me as you would when there are other friends around... It doesnt matter.. I know how awkward it is when there's just the two of us...

I miss your frown, and I miss your sigh... I miss those times when you'd suddenly stare out blankly or just turn away from me... I know that you dont mean to do it, and that u probably do it cuz you couldnt think of a different action for that moment... It was those times that I just wanna hold you close to me and tell you that its ok... Everthing will work itself out eventually... But I never did that... Actions takes courage, and there are consequences.. I fear trying to bring you closer will only push you further away...

I was trying hard to ease you with this relationship, but sometimes your words and actions also hurts me... I shook it away thinking that you didnt really mean to do what you did, and that it was probably to you, a joke... All I can tell you is that being with you I feel so miserable with guilt, but I can never picture myself being without you...

I miss the way you walk, and on occassions that smile you geve me whenever our paths would cross... and I dont recall you calling out my name ... even the name that people call me by... Its like you want to keep me away from the rest of the world... And I'm not sure if you are also part of that world, cuz you'd call me by the callings that I never imangined myself being called.. Its not a bad thing, but still I do wish that you'd call me by my name like you would call out your friends by theirs...

Knowing how awkward it is between us, you still come to me for help if you're stuck whenever about whatever.. I may not be able to help a lot, but I tried as hard as I could... I tried very very hard... And even in that I still fear that there's an invisible line that I might be crossing and by doing so I'm pushing you away when all I intended to do was to help...

Other people are blessed to be able to say "I hate it when he/she does that to me"... me? all I can say is "I hate it when I do this to myself".. Perhaps I am overthinking, but I cant help it... I do things and was left hanging... but it was something that I choose to do... It is my choice, and I guess I cant really bitch about it since I brought it onto myself... But I want you to know that despite what our friends say, you are not a burden to me...

Sometimes... actually a lot of times, i need support... And I wish that the person who cheers me on is you... now I sound desperate, but truth be told, I am sick and tired of pushing myself through life... I am doing fine alone.. My GPA are above 3.5 always, and I'd probably be able to go far even on my own... But I dont want to do this for myself anymore... I dont want to live for myself anymore... (wishful thinking again) I wish you would be the one to tell me "If you wont do it for yourself, then do it for me".. those words would've been enough for me to really push myself onwards...

I'm gonna type in something that unless you brought it up after reading this (that is if ur even reading this.. erm.. if you are then this bracketed phrase is very pointless... nvm). The night before the annual dinner, I went out with a very good friend, and we went karaoke... just beside the place was a small minimart, with a big sign that sez your name.. Now prior to that we had very minimum contact with one another, and I just kept my feelings to myself (and told a few of our friends about it), but I thought that it was a sign from above... (literally cuz the sign that sez your name was high up...LOL). Sure enough, the night after that which was the annual dinner night, we grew closer... somewhat... and ever since that night, up til this point, I lost count of how many times I say your name somewhere on something... a commercial, credits after movies, fliers, shop names etc... Perhaps they were there since before we even met, and that since I know you I just simply became aware of them, but to me they're always a telltale sign that we belong together... or at least I belong to you...

I wanted so much to tell you "i LoVE u" but i can never bring myself to say it... Perhaps if you were to ask me to really say what's on my mind, and what I feel for you for real, no beating around the bush... then I just might... but then where do we go from there? in fact, now that we're so far apart, where are we now? Still, I do want to give this relationship a chance to move, even inch by inch, forward... So here I ask you to give me a chance... to give us a chance... Maybe we can work it out somehow even though the odds may seem against us...

p/s I hope that while reading this, you picture me talking to you... Imagine the way I talk, and my intonations as I say them.. I have had many misunderstandings with my writings, even through sms... Jokes turned bad (even a disaster) etc... and I hope that you are reading this, and would bring it up into conversation... Cuz it took a lot to even write this, and I may never have the courage to ask you... I hope you understand that this is just as hard on me as it is on you... I was opening your friendster page as I wrote this... I just miss seeing you, and being with you... thanks...

I fell in love...

2008-12-13T11:34:00.000-08:00

I was a lost soul..
My heart was empty, my life not worth living
I have everything a man could wish for
but still, I own nothing at all...

I was nothing until I saw those eyes
I could fall deep into their gave
over, and over, and over again
Unsettling, unrelenting, those eyes are pure
I wish to be the only thing that those eyes sees..

I was empty until I heard that voice
a beacon to my very existence
Calling out, even though not to me..
of that I'm sure
Still, I wish to hear nothing but that voice

I was lonely until I felt that touch
Unintentionally, meaningless touch
but to it I surrender
and with that touch
I wish to be yours forever...

What drew me to you I cannot explain with words
What attracted me to you I cannot show
And how much you mean to me I can never put to value
The only thing I have to give you is me
And the only wish I have is to be yours forever
I hope that somewhere deep inside you feel the same way too...

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

maybe its time to move on? or not...huhuhu

2008-12-12T07:52:00.000-08:00

hrm... I'm still caught in between decisions that could change my future and not to mention who I am... Between staying here in KL or going back to Kuching... Lets go through the pros and cons...

Kuala Lumpur
Pros	Cons
Family problem solved.. With me staying here, the family back at home will be at ease cuz my cousin will not be staying alone and there'll be me around to take care of her..	I'll have her and only her to talk with.. I dont have many friends here, and only occasionally I mingle with the neighbours cuz most of the time they're cooped up in their houses taking care of their little childrens...
I get to live by myself (technically..my cousin would still impose rules, but then we're both adults..), be independent, make my own decissions etc...	I'm not exactly deciplined, but I know how to manage myself.. and rather than being independent, I prefer to be controlled (o_O) by some1...
My cousin (and occasionally her boyfriend) would treat me to nice things to wear, joyful things to do and delicious food to eat...	Doing all that takes time and effort, and not to mention sometimes, I dont like to do/eat some things.. and I usually put on weight...
I could still find time to shuffle...probably...	I'd be doing it alone for a while...until I find contact here...

Kuching
Pros	Cons
I get to stay with the rest of the family, stay in my cosy little room, have all my stuffs (piano, ps2, car, scooter, wardrobe etc...) nuf said for now..	The family (and myself included) would be worried sick about my cousin who'd be staying alone in KL.. there was no problem before, but ever since the house got broken into, every1's worried...
I am (up to a certain point) free to go anywhere and do anything that I feel like doing...	well...sometimes freedom does cost a lot... like fuel and maintenance...
I get to spend time with my family, brother, sister, my beloved girlfriend, my friends and other cousins, nephews, neices and relatives...	Most of the time, I'm the one who treats them...huhuhu...but ats all worth every single cent...
I'd be able to join park shuffle or go to Pustaka... I could also jog and do aerobics...	NIL

It seems that blogspot has trouble with tables...there's a break that I cant remove after each rows...well, nvm... as long as the message gets through... The main reason I'm here in KL is to take care of my cousin... Sure KL offers higher pay in terms of salary, but the cost of living here is also higher compared to Kuching... and I AM the type of guy who gets home sick, and misses my family, friends and not to mention my girlfriend... There's also a certain person that I miss most, but who that person is will be my dirty little secret... hahaha... If ur reading this, u know who u r...

Well, I sure cant make up my mind whether to stay or to go back to Kuching... Physically I am here, but I wish to be nowhere else other than home...

my pHatS has arrived....

2008-12-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all followers... Hows it goin? A little heads up, in case I didnt mention, I shuffle... And shuffle (a.k.a the Melbourne shuffle) is a dance... Sure you've heard of it / knows someone who does it / even do it urself... I started shuffling for fun - entirely for fun... Just thought that I'd try out something new... Then it escalated into a was to pass my time, then I thought of it as a great exercise, and now I guess its growing into a hobby - not the kiddy hobby like hot n cold - u get into it, get bored n stop... This is an adult hobby, like collecting stamps and such... I posted a couple of videos of me shuffling in youtube... If u search for keyword "alteredego86" you'll find it... hehehehe... leave a comment n rate if u wanna...

Since coming to KL, I dont have much free time to shuffle.. But on the second day upon arriving, I contacted Gwee from HEATWAVE trading and asked about my phats which a friend of mine ordered for me about a month before that.. said it was a gift for the Mass Corrosion II which is gonna be held in Kuching this weekend.. huhuhu... I'm gonna miss it.. But still, the phats are coooolll... Its not entirely done, the design only occupies the right leg n the left leg is still blank... No ideas for it yet...

Owh, i forgot... FYI, phats are pants that widen towards the bottom, and is NOT a bellbottom which are tight around the thigh... its a common misconception, especially when trying to explain to taylors who do not have any idea of what phats are... (not blaming them - not their fault.. I just happen to come accross shufflers with bellbottoms instead of phats back in kuching).. Phats are not necessarilly shuffle pants... Instead, the melbourne shuffle adapts phats as a common apparel (huhuhu... that sounds so factual.. L-A-M-E)... Phats are originally rave pants, which is designed (commonly custom made by the owner) with reflective sheets.. As the sheets catches light, it is reflected, and attracts attention to the person wearing it... Thats the whole idea of wearing phats - to attract attention to the person wearing it... (wait - does that mean that if I wear it, I crave attention? LOL)..

Well in any case, I got mine... and its cooolll... hahaha... check it out...

The front view...

And the back...

Hooo.... I cant find the word to describe how thrilled I am when I got them... Just wait til I figure out what to put on the other leg... Its gonna rock... here's a video of my first shuffle in them... Nothing much, just trying out.... Feels great... Wished I was in Kuching, at least there's a chance of joining the Mass Corrosion II... *sigh*

Online game addiction!!!

2008-11-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

There was a time not so long ago that I thought "Games? Why would you waste your time playing games? Be it playstation or nintendo or sega or computer games, its a waste of time, effort and somewhat annoying..." Cuz ppl sometimes get so caught up with the games that they play its all they ever talked about... I mean, its crazy...

But now look at me... More open to the concept of games, not just for the sake of playing it... Its more than that... We see how the makers of the game came up with creative ideas and storylines to make the game in the first place... Then there's the graphic and artistic values... Gosh, how much technology has evolved to allow computer generated graphics and sound seems so real is unbelievable... But believe it... its out there and sooner or later, its gonna get you.... muahahaha!!!!

I'm sure everyone at some point of their lives has a game console at home... I've got my old PS - yup, the big boxy one, not the newer, smaller version... Got my PS2 as well... The latest addition is a PSP, which graphics are as intense enough to make you scream in delight... Me n my friends squeeled like kids playing Final Fantasy 7 Crisis Core... graphics during cutscenes and summons were very extremely detailed... I almost wished I could somehow extract the iso file the game was in to get the cutscenes...

Next to PSP (which actually belong to my bro, btw... *sigh*) I've got my own laptop... I was gonna have a post about it, but never actually had the time for it until now... nvm... its the new HP Pavilion TX2000 series... yup, the 1 that doubles as a tablet PC... Not bad... I fell in love with it since the first model, which was TX1000... It runs on AMD Athlon X2 processor (dual core, mind you) and packed with ATI Radeon 3200 graphics processor.. It runs Vista Home Premium by deefault, or else the touch screen/tablet function is lost... the hard disk is mere 160GB... and 40GB is partitioned by HP for backup and recovery... Vista took about 30GB inside, and plus applications and all that, I'm left with mere 80GB... But I still have two external hard disks, a 40GB and an 80GB for my data...

It was with this laptop that I begun exploring computer games... I've been wanting to try computer games before, but the thing that hinders me most is you commonly play with the keyboard... Remebering and getting used to which keys does what takes time, and commonly frustrations gets me before getting used to it, and i generally give up altogether... But then, after getting this laptop, I was determined to give it another go... My first game? Devil May Cry 4 - the best installment of DMC yet released. Of course, on a laptop, I had the settings changed to minimum... Seriously, if you have a PC that could support it, you should try this game... And get a controller as well... Its a blast playing with keyboard, but it'll be AWESOME using controller to perform complicated combos and moves to get higher ranks...

Some more pics of the laptop with the different modes...

The screen can swivel 180degrees....

Almost to the 180degrees limit...

in tablet pc mode...

I forgot to rotate the image...nvm... if u notice the start orb (not start button anymore in vista) and the icon's orientation is now portrait instead of landscape.. Of course, there's a compensation of resolution - pictures and movies commonly dont work well in portrait orientation... And since its a laptop that doubles as a tablet pc, it also comes with a pen/stylus and a remote control, both dockable on the laptop itself...

One of the best features of the laptop - a touchpad that is slightly indented but has no edges so it wont catch dust on the edges... and its made of tiny dots of indentation which cleans easilly... The keyboard also feels metalic to the touch, and responds pretty good with a satisfying 'soft click' sound as u press each keys...

...and the fingerprint sensor...

Some of the accessories I got for the laptop - an Altec Lansing AHS502i headset with microphone (extreme sound experience) and a Hwawei E220 3G modem for instant, portable internet access...

Full specs of the laptop is :

AMD Athlon X2 Dual Core Processor (1.9GHz, 1MB L2 cache)
12.1" High-def Widescreen display with integrated Digitizer and Touch Screen
160GB HDD
4 GB DDR2 RAM (I had it upgraded - selling is 2GB only)
ATI Mobility Radeon 3200 series with 64MB DDR2 display cache
Fingerprint reader
HP Webcam (1.3mpx) with built in microphone
5-in-1 Card Reader
802.1 Wireless hardware and Bluetooth
Microsoft Windows Vista Home Premium SP1 (licenced - mind you...)

Yup, the computer is personal again....

After finishing the game the first time, I decided to wait before trying the next difficulty.. Wouldn't want to ruin my new laptop's keyboard just yet... Imma get a good controller first... So just to fill up the time that I have, a friend introduced me to Super Dance Online - Extreme or SDO-X for short... Its an online dancing game just like PS2's Dancing Stage Evolution (or something like that).. you know, the 1 that you play with the dancing mat? I havent beaten that game fully yet, but at least I can say I know how to play it... hahahaha... its a good workout too... On the computer on the other hand, you're kinda stuck with K-E-Y-B-O-A-R-D... Now I'm almost determined to find a dancing pad for laptop... (yeah I have 2 for my PS2... so what? You gonna call me sissy or anything?!!) LOL..

Anywho, if you're ever interested, try it... Its somewhat addictive... You lose at first - like A LOT of losses... but thats how you proceed.. learn the song and get better at it... Bet I'm warning you, the client (since its online, you need to download the game's client to play it... and u need good internet connection with stable speed... dont wanna have it lagging...) is really big...1.9GB... hows that for a game..

Haiz...sacrifice????

2008-11-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

I've been having weird hunches since last Thursday when my family left for KL for 4 days... Dad's convocation ceremony... I had to stay behind and mind the house (with tons and heaps of chores btw) n pretty much had to spend the nights alone... Wasnt that bad, but then I was somewhat a scaredy cat.. My effort of convincing a couple of friends to sleep over resulted in utter failure... Good thing there is Internet...

Well about the hunches..its tingling ever so slightly like having a feather brushed against ur arm.. I just couldnt put my finger on it... Didnt know whether it was good or bad, but I told myself if things happen, then so it shall... I'll just best to prepare for it...

Tonight, the tingling suddenly flared like fireworks... The family came back with news... Still cant make up my mind if they're good or bad... so just let them be news... A family member in KL is suffering from a slight dilemma, nothing serious, really... but from this point on, the involvement of an uninvited non-family member into family affairs may result in the breakup of a whole branch of family... Cant have that happen, can we? guess who's sent to save the day? Lucky me... huhuhu...I've lived in KL before, n given choice I wouldnt want to make a living there... But then I had to stay with my cousin in KL and make sure that the non-family member do not stick his nose in too far into our family... Some things must be kept within the family, right?

Sure, maybe y'all dont think its a big deal... Perhaps some might consider it as an opportunity... I guess I can respect that... But I'm not exactly the city boy type... Sure I like the city, but not 1 as big as KL... Besides, the rest of the family is here in Kuching... n most of my closest friends are here as well (at least for now)... I have a good life here, n I'm not ready to take the next step yet...

I've been trying to evade the fact that in my scope of knowledge, KL has the best potential.... I thought of it many many times, and time and time again I tried to convince myself maybe there's equally good opportunities here as well... hahaha... who am i kidding... the rest of my friends who stayed here work at pizza junction or magic bite or some store somewhere... its work, but not exactly a very secure one...

And one more thing... I wonder what my gf would say about this... I asked once and she had that distant ook in her eyes as she said "if its meant to be then its meant to be"... Its not like we're gonna break up over this or anything.. I mean, we'll find ways to work it out... haiz... thats the part I wated to avoid... Working out a long distance relationship... I guess there's always the Internet...

God I really hate to leave.. Imagine how I felt coming home after going out with the guys to find my mom greeting me with "You're going to KL next month.. We just bought u a one way ticket"... I didnt have any say at all... Havent told my friends yet - I'm so gonna miss them...

but then on the other hand, there's an internship availability in KL somewhere in ampang.. hope its public transport friendly area... In fact I pray its within walking distance from ampang park... I could just take the (crammed jammed) LRT... *sigh*

Well... I guess this is a good time to apply a friend's advice - its not a problem unless if u think it is... *chant* this is not a problem... this is not a problem... this is not a problem *sigh*sigh*....

Renungkanlah...

2008-11-02T07:33:00.000-08:00

A friend's posted this as her bulletin and I thought I'd share it with all my readers... "syg" does not necessarily means between a boy and a girl... could also be family, friends, etc... If u read this, and if u can apply it to all your relationship, then maybe - just maybe you'd be able to be more appriciative towards all the people who surrounds you...

ps: this is copy n paste... hehehe... n in malay <(~.~)> obviously.....

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita x tido pn xpa lyn dia yg tngh

bosan or ada mslah..

Tp bila kita bosan or ada mslah.

Ada dia lyn kita?

Hti kata xpa dia busy kott

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita gdh ngn dia,kita diam je

Tp dia heboh 1 dnia

Hti kata xpa, dia tension tuu

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita kol nak ckp ngan dia

Tp dia bg phone kat org lain

Bila jd mcm2, xpa

Hti kata, xpa, ckp je,kwn dia,

kwn kita juga..

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita b'crita dgn dia,

dia wt dunno je..

Tp bila dia b'crita ngn kita

Kita dgr,s'ptah2 kita igt

Hti kata x pa syg katakn…

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita & dia lpr

Tp kita bg sume roti kita kat dia

Hti kata,ala jgalh hti dia,sian

dia lpar tu….

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita sgup bg dia rest bila dia letih,

Tp bila kita letih,dia srh jg

kita lyn dia bila dia bosan

Adil ker?

Hti kata,ala bkn slalu pun..

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita jdi cm org gila bila dgr dia sakit,

Tp bila kita sakit,

Dia siap kuar ngan kwn2 dia g meraikan

hri ksakitn kita,

Hti kata,ala x pa,xkn dia nk

b'kepit ngn kita 24 jam je

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita xnh tipu2 & pntingkn dr sndri

Tp dia m'nipu & hipokrit thp ngaban

Hti kata xpa,dia mmg cmtu kna lh

trima..

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita syg nk tngglkn dia slama2nya..

Tp dia xthu kita berdpn dgn maut,

Wlpn kita skit,dia kata kat kita,

sakit biasa2 je 2,jgn nk mengarut la

Hti kata,cmnalah dia bila

kite xda,msti dia hepi kn

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita xsgup tgk dia derita even sikit pun

Tp dia xnh hrgai dri kita,

Hti kata,tau x btapa kita syg kn

dia????

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita sgup tngglkn dia slamanya utk dia bahagia

Tp dia tahu x pngrbnn kita??

Hti kata,xpa,jnji insan yg di sygi bhgia

Dan………… ……

Bila kita dh tngglkn dia slama2nya

Dia dtg ziarah psara kita

Dia kata..

Dia mntk mf sbb nh mngata kita

Dia mntk mf sbb nh wt kita tgu dia

Dia mntk mf sbb nh pksa kita lyn dia time bsn

Dia mntk mf sbb nh heboh 1 dnia psal slh kita

Dia mntk mf sbb nh xhiraukn call kita

Dia mntk mf sbb nh xdgr luahan hti kita

Dia mntk mf sbb nh wt kita klprn sbb diaa

Dia mntk mf sbb nh ggu wktu rht kita

Dia mntk mf sbb xnh hiraukn skit kita

Dia mntk mf sbb nh pntingkn dri dia snri

Dia mntk mf sbb xnh tgk p'dritaan kite

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita wt semuanya kn?

Tp dia x prnh fhm kn?

Dan…………? ?…

Bila kita tglkn dia

Dia dtg pd kita & kata

Sorry…

Sorry??? slps lukakan hti kita?

Bila kita syg org tu

Kita kata xpa lah

Aku dh tngglkn dunia,

Moga dia bhgia tnpa kita..

tpi ada dia wt apa2 tuk kita?

ada dia hrgai apa yg kita buat tuk dia...??

dia lagi bgia dgn dunia & kwn2 dia..

Hti kata, xpa la..mengalah la dmi insan t'syg..

Dan hti kita kata lg

Xpa lah apapun yg dia buat

Kita ttp syg org tu…..

Kita sayang dia untuk selamanya smpi bila2 pn..

bila kita ckp kita syg dia lbh dri diri kita

dia kata kita saje jer nak ambik hti dia..

pdhl dia xtau kita mmg syg dia cm nk mati...

nk buat smua utk dia klu kita mampu..

selamanya...

The reflection of my life...part 2

2008-10-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

"GOD determines who walks into your life... It is up to you entirely to choose whom you let stay, whom you let walk away and whom you refuse to let go"

This was my favorite quote, by whom I cant recall.. But then it gives a huge amount of feeling to those who truly understands it.. There is a thin line that divides each choice, and for each choice you make, there are consequences. The good, and the bad...

It is true that GOD determines who walks into your life. An acquaintance, a friend, a lover, a foe, a rival... The list could be longer... But then it all comes down to your choice... To let them stay, to let them walk away or to never let them go...

The thin line... When you choose to let them stay, they may not want to stay for too long... and as such, you're forced to let them walk away... but then that may not mean that you'd be willing to let them go, and by choosing that, with a little effort, some luck and a pinch of prayer, they may just come back.. As such, I can safely say that you cant choose and stick with your choice... The choice should change accordingly, and so will the consequence.. People commonly stop at the second..to let those that touched their lives walk away without letting them know that there will always be a room for them in their lives... Life is, in fact, too short... Let them know how you feel exactly, and you'll be able to say that you've lived a fulfilling life...

Here's another thought i stumbled across the net..I think its worth sharing...

People come into you life for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME... When you know which one it is, you will know what to do with that person...

When someone comes into your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need that you have expressed.. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant .

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME....

Muveee!!!

2008-10-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

My recent visit to Medan Pelita was very satisfying - watching FURY. With two of my friends, even though our eyes were a little tired cuz it was a 12.50am show, it was totally worth it... I cant really elaborate much cuz then I'd be giving out the ending n spoiling the whole movie... All I can say is that it was satisfying...Although I know some of my other friends might say that it has no morale value - or too little and underemphasized... I guess I can at least say that the girl was autistic, and that in the beginning the movies shows that being who she is, she needs extra / special care and attention from her mother... well... erm... no more... cant say anymore about the plot of the muvee... I've seen the making somewhere though... All the stunts were done by herself -i need to find out her name 1st though. I've got no idea...

Another movie that I managed to catch was "The Ghost House". I have to say it was kinda pathetic. The beginning was very scary. But towards the end, it was just a fragment of an imagination. However, contrary to Fury, this one truly emphasize on the family. No more elaboration from me. Catch it or self if u feel like it. adios -

Issues of sexuality....

2008-10-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

ok...this is probably still a taboo in our culture, but it kinda cross my path one time too many... Why do people label others (or themselves for that matter) as straight (as an arrow, if I might add), or gay, or lesbians, or homosexual, or metrosexual (they say it's the mask for bisexsuality)... One of a friend of a friend of mine so happens to be rejected by a group of his friends soon after he came out of the closet... At first it was peachy dandy and all that (according to him) but recently he discovered the truth about stuffs that happened throughout the course of the friendship and was devastated by how his friends treated him... like - OMG!!! that is so unfair... all this because he said that he preferred guys over girls... huhuhuhu..

I'm still shocked when he told me, i never actually thought of him that way - but then I said to myself, que sera sera, whatever will be, will be... So what if he sez he's gay... I cant be the judge of him, can I? and just because he is what he is, doesnt mean that the friendship must sink. It can still be the same as it was before - even better in fact (huhuhu - now I know how classy he can be and probably get some advice on skincare and stuffs like that. Can't really ask a girl now, can I? XD)

What really bothers me was the way his friends acted... two words will be sufficient to describe how they treated this poor guy - backstabbing hypocrites. I was a mere bystander for this group of friends, and until recently I didnt think there were any issues of problems amongst them.. apparently I was gravely wrong. Since many months ago the friends was simply acting nice in front of him. Behind his back, they were plotting to ignore him... Hahaha, I feel like cursing them all the way to h*ll, but they probably deserve something worse...

Well... I cant really do anything but nurse his broken heart and wounded pride.. It was the least I can do... But then I wonder if I should advice him to return to the closet or stay out in the open...cuz either way, I suppose it hurts... huhuhu - why do people put label on others - and themselves... If you love someone, then just love him/her.. if he/she loves you back, then it's heaven sent, and if its the other way around, well... there's no helping it... You can try, but you cant force love... In any case, friends are friends... Being straight as an arrow or bent 360 degrees into a circle should not change any of that... right?

Love!!!??

2008-10-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

huhuhu... Love is a funny thing... It is the joy of one, and the suffering of another... Its all about giving and taking, and when more than two people is involved (it rarely stays between two people..there's always that another that tips the balance) it gets even more complicated...

Sometimes, from what I've experienced myself and what people shared with me, I wonder.. Who do lovers hurt each other? Is it to test the love between them, or did the love itself became stale and lifeless? If so, then why do our parents stayed together for so long and still stayed strong?

and what happens if lovers suddenly had to choose between each other, family or friends, or careers etc? Which should come first? Should any be more important than the others? Is there a right for one to ask the other of the ranking of importance between love, family, friendship and career?

Sometimes love struck at awkward time, or awkward place, or between impossible people... What do we do when the love of our life can only give as much as friendship back? Do we accept, or do we force? Or do we back off form their lives and nurse our heart?

And then there's also the so called "blind love"... One side is not just prepared, but has been sacrificing time, effort and money to support the other and yet, all of that goes unappreriated. . us as bystanders are caught in between, always hoping to be there when the tears fall or anger broke...

It all goes back to friendship - and I wonder are we prepared if such trials and tribulations of love crosses our paths? Would our friends be there to support us, or would they betray us and leave? and if this ever happens to our friends, would we be able to support them?

Ah well...can't really wonder too much about love and all that... Its too abstract... but we still need it, since we're humans... a penny for your thought?

RefLecTion

2008-10-09T18:12:00.000-07:00

Huhuhu... It is hard to be me... I was fine with my own dilemma until a few weeks ago. Now, I look at myself and c a hypocritical person... Its not a bad thing when I start to consider the reason behind it - I was trying not to hurt anyone...

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
From pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
to be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
Cuz its not my fault
I know I've been told
To take the blame

Rest assure my angels
Will guide me through
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you found that lover you're homeward bound
Love is all around, Love is all around
I know some have fallen on stony ground
But love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
From pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

The reflection of my life....

2008-10-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Greetings to all readers...

Since I've just finished my final semester at a local college, I guess its the perfect time for me to start blogging - and reflecting on my life... Its also the perfect excuse for me to pass the time rather than sitting ducks at home....

See the main reason I'm writing is to let out the bottled up feelings that I've kept for quite some time now... It really wasn't that long since my last exam - the finals - that I discovered the truths behind what is meant by friendship...

I dont make friends easily, but once I do there's a tendency that I'd stick with them all the way... At least, this was how I used to think. I'm not sure anymore...

In particular, there were a few guys that I grew fond of, and we shared laughs and tears together... and then there was news.... I'm not sure if the reality of it has settled in or I'm still in shock of recieving the new... What was the news? well - it was about the friendship that we fostered - the same friendship that I sailed with sincerity, patience and perseverence... It was not just a friendship - but a brotherhood. It was about supporting each other in needy times, and sharing happiness together amongst us. It was about being truthful and honest, without holding back and holding grudges. It was about looking together at one direction and moving forward and successing. It was about accepting each other - both strengths and flaws - and backing up each other when the time calls for it... It was about a promise of faith... It was about building integrity and personality... It was ..... now all that seems like they're nothing but a lie... hypocrit... After the news, everything was clear - questions that were asked were answered, and those that was never asked were also explained.... There was nothing else left... And all the years spent - God the memory was bitter sweet - but it was all a lie... I'm blank. I cant think of anything...just plain, stone, blank....

any suggestion on moving on?