Call me an IT freak, I dont care... I love working with computers and data... especially programming and database... but then I'm the only one I know who likes working with databases.. as such, whenever I hit a snag (which I always do), I'd get annoyed cuz I have but me to ask... I dunno anyone else to ask... frustrating cuz I have the basic idea in my head, but when it comes to putting them into something that works, it kills me... haiz... is there anyone out there who can help a total noob like me?

just came back from d airport after sending off a friend and I wondered to myself why does it feel so sad everytime I send someone off... I mean everyone feels sad but I'd go all hollow and start recalling times spent together.. It's not like they're gone for good.. I guess to me hello's and goodbye's meant just as much as the whole relationship... Then I turned on the music player on my phone and I got Yuna's tracks... one of which was very deep...



Yuna
Missing Star

I can never really tell you why
I've been missing you a lot
And I just have to take another look
at your photo in my wallet
And there's no reason why
I keep your T-shirt by my side (my version is I keep your picture by my side)
when I sleep
Pretending you were never really gone....

Its like a missing star
that's always been up in your sky
Its like the rainbow never comes
after the rain
Its like the sun never rises
in every of your morning
How am I supposed to live without these things
They are all you....


I just love the guitar accompaniment...

almost 2 months went by without me updating my blog.. huhu.. I was either too tired, too bored, did too much thinking of what to write in the posts - then though OMG thats too long and ended up didnt posting cuz too lazy... LOL...

Anyways, a summary of activities I've been tied with since 2 months ago ..

1. BOWLING...

This is loads of fun... at least for me... my current average is 120, but then at times my score can be as bad as 80... got my own bowling kit recently... Also joined the Digi 174 and below tournament with some of my office mates...



2. JUMPSTYLE

Also tons of fun... truthfully, unlike shuffle which I could listen and enjoy the hard bassed music, I still cant bring myself to like jumpstyle music. But once I start jumping, I kinda forgot I hated the 'bouncy' music... like I said, tons of fun...

3. LOADS of ReFLeCtINg

Yup.... have you ever had these moment when you're alone or with family/friends and suddenly it feels like you're looking at yourself as a second or third person? Like, instead of thinking "Why am I doing this?" you're thinking "Why is he doing that?" but referring to yourself? huhu... confusing, isn't it?

but then I learned a few things about myself... my actions and reactions, my speech and response, and a bunch of other stuffs..

I am now 23 (coming to, actually, but that doesnt change the fact that I am getting older *sigh*).. I guess I'm already in that stage of life thinking I need more consistency, more security and more ... erm.... money? hahaha... truth is that what I'm currently earning every month isnt enough... I find myself strictly controlling my budget on a weekly basis... and probably this month's the worst... hope my pay comes out soon... tons of bills to pay *sigh*...

talk about consistency, bowling steadily becomes one of the activities that I constantly go to... every Sunday afternoon, sometimes up to 6 games on the roll.. and now with the tournament for 19 weeks (now its at week-3) I'm bowling twice a week... another consistency is being late for work... dunno why I just cant get up easily in the morning anymore... last time I used to wake up on the first alarm... nowadays I keep snoozing the alarm and falling right back to sleep... hit me with a pan and probably that'll make me fine again..

I'm also constantly fighting with a certain friend.. I guess we're close enough to understand each other, but somehow something always manages to cause either one of us to get mad at each other... then tomoorow comes and we went like good buddies again, until another thing comes up and we'd get angry at each other again... most of the time, its cuz I was over reacting to the fact that he's not reacting at all... other times it was just stupid... but then I guess thats how the two of us are and probably thats how the two of us will be... hey, there you go.. a secret to having a good friend.. hahaha

and then there's the issue of security... not economically secure (I'm at a less than secure state, but just secure enough for me to get by).. I'm talking about emotionally secure.. I'm sure a lot of us are feeling that way - just the way we react to it is different.. some expresses it openly, others cover up by acting up... me? I'm just a plain old idealist... I know what I want, I know where to get it, I know how to get it, I probably have enough guts to go for it, I can plan for the perfect time to get it, but (being rational and partly realist) I can never quite get it... That is the main cause of my insecurity... *sigh* too bad there's not much I can do about it...

in any case, I've been here and there... seen lots, heard lots, felt lots... but I dont think I can ever get enough... conclusion? one day at a time... hahaha...

til next time.... too-tle-oooo...

Lets talk about something a little heavy this time round.. Idealist, or realist, which defines you more? Probably no one can say for sure one is an idealist, or a realist, since decisions are made based on conditions and consequences... but then one can say dominantly one is either, and as such help shed some light into one's own life and probably understood why things happen to one the way they did...

Idealist practice envisioning things in an ideal form, or in simpler term aiming for perfection.

Realist see things in literal truth and pragmatism, or more grounded on reality (hence the name).

Having said the definition, it becomes clear that idealist and realist contradict each other. However, both seem to deny the basic property of human... To be human is to be flawed, in which idealism cannot apply... However to accept life and reality literally only results in average, which deny a human of his potential...

Another significant contradiction...

To be an idealist is to reach for the stars. However, idealist often get lost in their dreams, and as a result can get an out-of-touch aura about them..

To be a realist is to be ready to accept reality... Much better prepared for good or bad compared to an idealist. However, a realist often focused too much on the reality and aim much lower, or only aims something that can be reached with assurance.. Realist often miss out the few times that human does reach excellence...

So, up to this point, you should have a basic idea which you are dominant at.. If not, keep reading... In the end, I'll tell you which am I...

Is the glass half empty, or half full?

This is a common question in determining one's perception, as an optimist or a pessimist.. We can classify these two into branches of idealist and realist... Optimist are idealist, and pessimist are realist.. classifying onself does not mean reasing or lowering the humanity of oneself.. We cannot say that idealist is better than realist, nor the other way around..

If you see the glass as half empty, you are commenting on the fact that it is missing half of it's contents.. You see it as it is, and accept that the half empty cannot be gained back.. (assuming the contents cannot be changed).. You accept that the content is imperfect, and that you may not be able to do anything about it..

If you see the glass as half full, you are thinking ideally that the glass is only at half it it's capacity... Again, assuming the contents cannot be changed, you still hold on to the idea that there is something that you can do to make the content of the glass full.. You are ignoring the reality, and thinking ideally if you have to do something with the half full content of the glass, you will have an ideal thought of how to use it..

I am an idealist.. I see the glass as half full.. I am optimistic about life, and refuse to accept reality literally.. To me, there is always something more to life than what is seen, and more to feel, more to touch, more to love, and more to do.. but at the same time, being aged (not old, mind you..) I am also aware of the imperfect world and that my ideals do not apply to it.. I am aware of the failures, hurt, despair and reality.. However I refuse to let it bother me, as I believe in the human potential... As long as I can still breathe, I will live.. I will see, and I will touch, I will feel, I will love, and I will do, despite all the failures, despite all the hurt, despite all despair, and despite reality....

How bout you?

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

This goes to every1 as a reminder to live a full life ahead.. And a reminder to myself that I live, and I am alive, and this is exactly where I want to be, not anywhere else... Even if I was given a chance to go back to the past and change something (some things I am tempted to change, but I think in the end it'll end up the way it did), I won't...

This is it... I'm letting go of the past.. Who I am is who I want to be, and no one can say any damn thing about it...

Hey readers, its been a while... I was not just busy with work, but also faced a slight relationship dilemma.. No biggy though... In any case, I'm more keen on focusing on work now rather than moping around all day being so unproductive...

Newsflash y'all, I'm at Tanjung Manis... My office arranged a celebration here at Tanjung Manis called HARI TANJUNG MANIS or TANJUNG MANIS DAY (duhh...).. Not much background on it since I'm pretty new here, but probably the main objective is to have the office and PUSAKA itself to be connected with the people living here... Also the day is held in conjuction with the prophet's birthday... well, enough of that...

Most of the times, I think of myself as a miserable person, but apparently a lot of people dont think or believe that I am.. Makes me wonder... The trip to our check point before Tanjung Manis was Serian... We had brunch there and went through the long (almost 5 hours) trip... I kept to myself most of the time, lost in thoughts and holding back puke (haha)...

We arrived at Sarikei around 4 and check into King's Inn.. Small inn, but at least there's a room with proper bed and toilet to stay in.. My roommate complained about a dozen things, but I'm happy with free wireless provided there..

And then at night after going round the small town of Sarikei, we hung out at the waterfront where the peers are (yup, the one with express boats n such, not peers as in friends) and snapped a few dozens of pictures.. The practical students I hung out with were not really big on pictures and photographs, so its actually a bummer.. There were a lot of places to take pictures at, but they settled for a bench... huhu... (doesnt sound like miserable at all.... ??)

The bed was a bed - and I accepted it the was it is and for the purpose it served... no complains, no questions.. It was just for a night... I wont die sleeping on an uncomfortable bed - which by they way, the bed did not turn out.. It wasn't comfy either, but I slept and thats the most important part (either idealist, or realist - but definitely not miserablist.. haha)

The next vehicle (if I can classify it to be a vehicle) was a speedboat.. Definitely nothing to complain about... What could be better? The sun in your eyes, the wind blowing at your face.. good company... snapped some more photos... but there was something still on my mind at that time.. Only the boat ride was soooo thrilling I can easily push it aside...

The house where we stayed at Tajung Manis had no TV, no washing machines, no radio and no no complains.. here and there the rest of them talk about this being missing of that being incomplete or things should or shouldnt be there.. well, it's a house none the less... a good place to stay.. if its not homey, then its up to us who stays in it to make it homey, right? Cant expect other people to do it for you, can you? huhu.. so much for being miserable...

I guess I am no longer that miserable guy i used to be.. Still have things on my mind, but other people are the same, and if they can live a sunny life even if its raining, why cant I? I'll just shine my own way through.. right? being miserable taught me how to find the source of happiness, even in the smallest, simplest thing like putting up banners and wrapping up gifts and presents for contest winners..

a few more busy days and its work as normal.. I look forward to it.. hahaha.. so much for being miserable... Tanjung Manis brought me a sweet realization along with a sweet escape....