When you hit rock bottom,..

This has not been working out lately - both personally and professionally. I realized how my social life shrunk. I barely go out in groups anymore, preferring to stick to no more than 3 person (including myself) and all we do is just eat, whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner. It's not because I don't have the time or whatever, it just happened.. 

At work - as much as I enjoy it - my productivity decreased drastically. What used to take anywhere between a couple of hours to a couple of days, now took two weeks to complete. 

The weekend getaway invitation could not have come at a better time. I felt stumped. I began to question myself, seemed like I was losing faith. The thing is, I don't know what triggered it. Furthermore, what is this 'faith' that I had seemed to lose? Passion for life? I still enjoy my life.. The pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place, but I can't seem to grasp the bigger picture. 

Then I began to question everything I stood for. Faith, as it came to me, is what I believe I wanted to keep - for myself. It's probably the worse feeling ever - even worse than feeling depressed. When you feel depressed, you can identify what the cause - later and eventually if not soon. But to question yourself. To doubt yourself. Man, this feeling sucked balls!

Something triggered it. I cannot figure it out. Being true to myself, if I can't figure out something, I mull over it. Keep it in the background, but that dragged me down further. I tried shoving it aside - hoping one day the epiphany would kick in. The day is yet to come.. 

Maybe it boils down to the fact that I am an emotionally unstable and unpredictable guy - even to myself. What I do know now is that I need to up my game, put out all my best cards and play them right. I have the ability to shine - as long as I can get over myself. 

Just like what they say - When you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere else left to go but up!