Rome was not built in a day, the same way success does not come easy. There will always be trials and errors, small achievements and a number of failures. Let's not sugarglaze it - a failure to achieve something, is not the "unsuccessful way" as people usually put it. It is what it is, and it was a failure. The most important thing is to keep trying!

As you walk the miles day by day, learning bits and pieces, earning your keep, you develop your own conscience. By virtue of instinct, you add to your conscience things surrounding you - effectively creating your own persona, your own style, and your own existence.

But instinct and conscience alone will get you nowhere. And even if it does, you may end up exactly where you want to be if you're lucky - or in a race just struggling to keep up with your peers if you're not.

What you need next is a goal - a definition of your destination. Although it is said that the journey is more important than the destination, you may find yourself agreeing that if you fail to reach your goal, the journey seems like a wasted effort.

After deciding your one true goal, you can decide on the more tangible ones - earning your first million before reaching 30, promoted to a manager before 35, etc. In any case, a goal requires resolution. A strong will that drives you in whole to achieve that goal, be it the one and only or so many, be it measuable achievements or implied success, a resolution is an important element in realising one's goal.

My instict and my conscience is clear, and my goal is defined. My destination is to live with the beautiful woman that held my heart since last October. Everything, and I mean everything that I do is done to achieve that goal. I work day in and day out to earn my keep so I can make that goal closer to achieve. I work out at the gym to loosen up and prepare my physical and mental being for the journey. I study so that I can be in par with her and her peers. I talk with people and express myself so I can gain confidence in my own ability to look her in the eyes and tell her "I'll be with you til the very end". I pray so my spirit is at peace, to keep my conscience clear and strong. Such is my resolution

But what happens when the very core of me is challenged? That the way I am right now is not bringing me as close to my goal as I want to be? That the direction I'm heading is the long way round? I begin to waver. Self-doubt, questioning every single action I take. The biggest question that lingers - was my resolution not strong enough?

I'm not good with such confrontation as this. I avoid them like a plague. Some insists on tackling a problem head on, I ponder around it, dragging my feet and in the end opting for a more subtle approach to solving a problem.

And after two day jailed in my head, I came to a conclusion that there are a great many ways to achieve my goal. It is designed to fit my personality - and extrovert, a feeler, relying a lot on intuition and a strong need to justify myself and my surroundings. I'll take on a different view - just one - to feel a little less and to think a little more.

This is my journey - you are my destination - I am me, an ENFJ aiming to be an ENTJ.

This has not been working out lately - both personally and professionally. I realized how my social life shrunk. I barely go out in groups anymore, preferring to stick to no more than 3 person (including myself) and all we do is just eat, whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner. It's not because I don't have the time or whatever, it just happened.. 

At work - as much as I enjoy it - my productivity decreased drastically. What used to take anywhere between a couple of hours to a couple of days, now took two weeks to complete. 

The weekend getaway invitation could not have come at a better time. I felt stumped. I began to question myself, seemed like I was losing faith. The thing is, I don't know what triggered it. Furthermore, what is this 'faith' that I had seemed to lose? Passion for life? I still enjoy my life.. The pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place, but I can't seem to grasp the bigger picture. 

Then I began to question everything I stood for. Faith, as it came to me, is what I believe I wanted to keep - for myself. It's probably the worse feeling ever - even worse than feeling depressed. When you feel depressed, you can identify what the cause - later and eventually if not soon. But to question yourself. To doubt yourself. Man, this feeling sucked balls!

Something triggered it. I cannot figure it out. Being true to myself, if I can't figure out something, I mull over it. Keep it in the background, but that dragged me down further. I tried shoving it aside - hoping one day the epiphany would kick in. The day is yet to come.. 

Maybe it boils down to the fact that I am an emotionally unstable and unpredictable guy - even to myself. What I do know now is that I need to up my game, put out all my best cards and play them right. I have the ability to shine - as long as I can get over myself. 

Just like what they say - When you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere else left to go but up!

Yesterday was a fun day! The ending tho, was not so much. After a day out with my brother and sister - splurging out shopping for new 2014 wears, I decided - since I've already paid for it - to go to the gym. The thought of going by myself is unnerving - the only reassurance was that it is an exclusive gym and not many people joined. Furthermore, there are two distinct gym facilities - one outdoor for those hardcore muscle builders - the other indoor for the casual fitness.

Yeap. Not exactly as part of a new year resolution - I decided to go without that crap this year - I signed up for my first gym membership! Hoorraaahh!!! Kinesis Wellness @ Stampark Place is what I signed up for - with facilities including cardio equipments, strength equipments, fitness programs and group exercises, steam baths or sauna, hot shower, towels and lockers, member's lounge, rooftop garden aaaannnnddd three swimming pools (one kids wading pool, a gradient pool and an Olympic pool) complete with poolside facilities like the poolside cafe and function hall. 
 Arriving just after sunset, the place was practically deserted, save for the pool. I had NO IDEA what I was gonna do! In my head, I'd like to get some cardio in, considering I have not been jogging for quite some time since I started work. Maybe a little chest, then abs, then a bit of a weight lifting with the dumbells. Then, before leaving I wanna jump into the pool. 

So I went into the locker room, changed, put my stuffs away. Then the questions flood in. What are the gym ethics like here? Wait.. there's not instructions on the machines! The machines look different than those I'm used to. What do this machine do? And how do I operate that machine? Where is the bench press? 

What is the pool etiquette? Can I just wear shorts or am I required to wear tights? How deep is the deeper end of the gradient pool? Do I bring my change of clothes out to the pool or can I walk into the indoor changing room? Then I'd most probably be dripping wet! Owh no, I didnt bring flip flops - all I had was shoes! Shoes! Owh no, I didn't bring spare socks! 

What's the etiquette in the changing room and locker room? Would it be weird if I were to be barefooted? Would it be offensive if I wore just towels into and out of the shower? 

Thus, I hate going to the gym by myself. Those little things that some people find very natural is almost awkward for me! I ended up running on the treadmill for 45 minutes, showered awkwardly and then left. Would've been nice to have a company, no? I suppose I'll have to survive on my own. It's almost like an adventure - learning the etiquettes, the machines and the locations of facilities on my own! Looking forward to more blunders! hahahaha!

It had been a rough ride especially towards the end of 2013, but after all has been done, after all cards were dealt, after all those tears and sweat and smiles and laughter, frown and joy, sorrow and sickness, mine, wounded and healed, is still a blessed soul. 

Looking back, counting the seconds and minutes and hours and days and weeks and months, after 3 failed relationships, a couple of broken friendship, a revelation, a resignation, a pursuit in education, a new job and a new relationship later, I am only beginning to live my life. 

I cannot be certain of what exactly it is. I just truly felt that I have ended 2013 with a sense of accomplishment. That alone, says a lot because thus far I haven't ended a year with anything more than dinner with friends and family. I did that too, by the way - it's almost customary. Only this time, it is accompanied with a sense of accomplishment. 

That's it! I always asked myself at the end of the year - what have I accomplished this year? Well, my friends, I have, this year, embarked on an educational journey to obtain may Masters degree (dramatic much!). I have a new job - an international company - my office on the 8th floor (that's the top floor of the building) with an almost 360* view of the surrounding area! What's more, my significant other, the love of my life, the one I'm going to grow old with, is going to start work too AND pursuing her dream of managing her own business AND continuing her studies as well! Best part of that - her office is just a stone throw away from mine! Give me any reason to NOT be excited about that and I'll only have but one answer - she is my inspiration!

I have accomplished so much this year - even in those failure I learned and that, in it's own right, is an accomplishment greater than many. For once, I know who my friends are and I know who my friends were. I shall miss those whom were my friends, but for those who still are, I shall cherish and love them more! And for those whom will become my friends, I look forward to our experience together - both good and bad. 

And so to bid farewell to another year of blessed experience, 2013, I sing to thee, for auld lang syne. 

January was when my 2013 began
          yet another year of resolution!
February was when I splurged
          not knowing of a new beginning
March was when I learned
          and unlearned and became wiser
April was when we first met
          and it was thanks to February
May witnessed a revelation
          fostered a new friendship, sank some too
June was a summer of new experiences
          a picnic, an adventure, a playful banter
July gave breath to a new fire
          shed light to a forgotten memory
August a joyous celebration
          a welcoming of a new resident into my shell
September a drama, a conflict, a theater
          on stage and in life
October was chilly and cold
          said goodbye to a memory of old
November was quiet
          a turmoil brewing
December was a blessing
          the calm after the storm

I had a chance to try the Durian Cheese Cake at Secret Recipe earlier, and it was delish. At the same time tho, I remembered the memory attached to that particular Secret Recipe, and was the main reason why I avoid it until only recently - having made peace with that memory..

Well, in the same context, I was reminded of a dear friend who hated durian so much that if the fridge is used to store durian, even in separate containers in separate compartments, he would not eat anything that came out of that fridge. He would even cringe at the smell from miles away! Imagine him walking into Secret Recipe that has Durian Cheese Cake.. hahaha! (owh and on a side note, this particular friend also do not eat bananas! >.<)

Analogically speaking, durian is still durian no matter how you serve it. As is, freshly peeled, or made into tempoyak, and fried tempoyak, dodol, crepe, cake, however you serve it, is still durian. No matter where you serve it, either on the roadside, at the market, nicely wrapped in a supermarket, at home, at a small stall made and wrapped to go, in a restaurant, at a five star hotel, it is still, in fact, durian! Some people love it, some people tolerate it, and some just hate it.

I wonder if you get the hint of what I'm trying to say. Let's say that I am the durian. I can wear the best clothes from a famous brand, or the worst match from the cheapest store.. I can keep my hair long or trim it short. I can keep my beard or shave it clean. I can put on whatever persona I see fit, whenever I feel like it, wherever I am required to, but I will always be me. Some people love me, some people tolerate me, and some just hate me. 

Sometimes I get angry at myself for setting impossible goals. I get very envious of friends who set tangible goals like owning a huge house by the ocean, driving big fancy cars that turn heads, wearing designer brands from head to toe, travelling the world. Compared to that, my goal is impossibly stupid. 

I've had interviewers who lifted a brow, amused when I stated my goal. The fact that I say it with such unwavering conviction did not help either. To some of them, I came off as a little aloof. 

I don't expect many to understand. I don't understand their goals either. If I may be so bold, I would question them, after you own that magnificent of a house overlooking the most exotic of beach, who will you live in with? Who is with you in that fanciest of all cars you now have the key to? When you've flown first class into the largest most busiest of all airports in the most glorious of all cities or boarding the fastest of all trains across the widest expanses of the land or sailing the biggest cruise ship in the seven seas, who is there with you? 

Yes, my goal is simple. My goal is also true. My one and only goal is to grow old with you. Then, whether it is the house overlooking the ocean or a flat in the slums, whether it is the fastest car or just a simple pedal bike, whether it is first class or economy, the fastest train or on a cartwheel, whether a cruise ship or a ferry across the river, I will always spend each and every moment with you, and that is all I need.  

# # # # # # #  =====  # # # # # # #   

I should just stop and leave it as it is, this post. An emotional one. I've reasoned, and reasoned, and reasoned with myself whether I should change my goal so that it is more practical. Unfortunately I can't. My goal is still that. 

Then one may ask, how are you going to accomplish it? I have to start first by looking for the person to grow old with, don't I? Not necessarily. In fact, I say no to that. I ask myself first, before being able to say to the person, "I would like to grow old with you", am I worthy enough? Can I provide her with everything she needs? A roof over her head, food on her plate, happiness and freedom, joy and laughter, support and comfort? Can I be that man of her dreams? That is my motivation towards my goal. 

# # # # # # #  =====  # # # # # # # 

Like her, my time is running out too. When she takes off, I will have to stay behind. When she reaches her goal, the road to mine gets narrower, and the door closes faster. And you know, because of that I am angry at myself for not being good enough to be able to go with her... Like I said, my goal is just impossible.. 

My heart just about stopped in the middle of doing a system behavior analysis, not because of the sheer complexity of the task at hand, but the background music I was listening to. The myriad of thoughts just suddenly flashed and I had to excuse myself from the table. I was suddenly scared. Very, very scared.

I'd like to think of myself as the supporter. I rarely motivate. In a way, I feel when I motivate, I impose myself onto the person, whereas as a supporter, I stand somewhere in the behind, so that if the person ever feels like falling, I'd be able to support and cushion that person. 

And recently, my better half found her own motivation to pursue her dreams. More than that, she found ways to realize the dream, and off she went - going on and on and on about how she's going to do this and that, around here and over there, because this is possible and that is just within grasp. Dealing with her anxiety is easy, and when she expressed her enthusiasm of travelling, I became that supporter, promising myself to prepare a home for her to return to. 

But then, as I hear that song, I was so overwhelmed with fear - one so personal between us that it was never even expressed. I'm scared of losing you before your time, and I'm scared of not being around to hold and kiss you one last time. Owh man... I just wanna grow old with you.. 

To be honest, most of all to myself, I am not exactly in a good place at the moment. It takes my every bit of willpower to not break-down and fall apart, and God it is torture. I keep telling myself it'll be better, but there's always that little voice in my head that keeps asking "When? When? When?" and just letting my mind fleet into the thought for a second almost made me crumble. 

Being jobless is part of the anxiety. I kept a certain sum for emergencies, but emergencies means school fees and car and loans. I'm almost certain I've lost credentials to hang out with some of my friends simply because I can no longer afford it - and no, by all means I'm not accusing them of deserting me at my time of need, but let's be frank - there is nothing they can do to get me out of this shit-hole any more than to send job recommendations. Although I have to admit some are gracious enough to still spend time not money, and frankly, that is all I need right now. 

For the most part, my anxiety came from having to face my past. Most involves bumping into old friends - the friendship fell apart for reasons I still wonder until today. A couple of ex's also made re-appearance, one very enthusiastically trying to re-kindle the relationship that died. I'm still not sure how to handle this. For the time being I'll keep running - literally - until I'm out of breath.

I've pretty much figured out that they'll be frequenting the same place I go to to jog. Jogging is the only stable thing in my life right now. Just bring one step in front after another - leave everything behind for that whole hour. Leave my troubles, leave my anxiety, leave my past. If I am forced to give that up for fear of my past, I don't know where to anchor myself to. 

My significant other, my better half, to say the least I miss her - and that's an understatement. I may get some repercussion because I wrote it here in my blog instead of telling her organically, but it has been a week since we last sat together. She's a workaholic by nature and she loves spending time with her many-many friends. Between this and that, she barely has time for me and I have to understand even tho it kills me to hold back like this. If it's any consolation, I am 100% confident in her loyalty and she can expect the same from me. 

Like everyone else, I do enjoy some alone time. However, anxious times like now, I'd rather be in the company of my better half. That being said, I don't want to get in her way either - I am just so sure that she already has plans even on her off day. Well in any case, I'll just keep things together for a little while longer, wait here like a good boyfriend would until she could spare me a few. 

Wasn't my intention to replace you.. after all, you were, and remain so, the sweetest most modest person with an old soul even if we are of the same age. Even if I do try to replace you, I can never find one that is exactly you, with your wonderful humor and comical smile that never fails to bring me out of my shell. You and your passion for life, taking in every good with some lemon and ever bad with a spoonful of honey. Your and your sincerity, you and your timidness, you and your mystery...

A person that is of the similar background, both teaching parents, in a way both eldest, and in a way although independent both are happy to depend on another at times. That is the person whom reminded me most of you. Very shy at times, but very vocal at others. We share the same passion for friendship the way the two of us shared our passion for our friendship. We both put so much effort into trying to spend as much quality time together that my friends soon became his, and his became mine. 

Both of you are extremely humbling, it is an honor to have met you both. A blessings to call you a friend, and a true, very rare gift that I will cherish and appreciate forever. A year was barely enough to really know the person that is you, but even away, I still feel your friendship close to my heart. In him, I find the same kind of friendship - truly a humbling experience. Though in a different place and time, much of your personality I see in him, makes me reminisce of the time we shared together. 

Remember once the two of us were so broke that few days til payday? Well, I'm experiencing the same with him - except this time it is undeniably a little worse. Like before, I believe both of us will pull through one way or another. 

In all sense of similarity, I feel that our days are numbered. He will be leaving soon, just as you did back then. I don't blame either of you, just hoped that the time we can spare for each other lasts much longer. Being the one left behind is never easy, but I know that being the person who leaves is just as painful. 

In all intention I will keep in touch. With both of you. Such bond of friendship is rare, much too valuable to let the passage of time erode it. Whenever the thought crosses my mind, whenever the bells of memory would chime or rang, whenever a gust of wind carries whispers of our past, whenever footfalls on the earth we walk echoes your name, whenever a ray of light carries with it shadows of your face, or the splashing of water reveals a treasure at the bottom that is you, I will ring you up, just to let you know I was thinking of you.. And in all sense of similarity, in a way, I have found another you. 

Every time my head got all messed up inside and I let my emotions run lose, I always end up thinking and reciting this poem to myself. I may have blogged about this before, and that is an assurance to myself that there are things about me that don't change. 

People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person, and in return, for yourself. 

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need that you have expressed. 

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, 

To provide you with guidance and support,
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem godsend, and they are,
because they are there for the REASON you NEED them to be
Then,
without any wrongdoing on your part, or even in an inconvenient time,
This person will say or do something that brings the relationship to an end.

Sometimes, they die.
Sometimes, they walk away.
Sometimes, they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that  our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled,
and their work is done.
The prayer you have sent up has been answered,
and it is time to move on...


Some people come into your life for a SEASON.
Because your turn has come to grow, share and learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, and the joy of laugh.
They may teach you something that you have never learned before.
Make you do something you never thought you would have done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real.
But only for a SEASON.


LIFETIME relationships teach you LIFETIME lessons.
Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job, is to ACCEPT these lessons.
Love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships
and are as your life.

It is said that LOVE IS BLIND, but FRIENDSHIP IS CLAIRVOYANT 

I never blame you for leaving...

..but I refuse to let you go..

Thank you for being a part of my life, be it a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME

People who got stuck in loneliness have done  nothing wrong. None of us is immune to the feelings of isolation anymore than we are immune to the feelings of hunger or physical pain. 

John Cacioppo in his book Lonelinees.

We were out at the swimming pool, dipping and playing in the water after a hot day when at one point a friend came up and said "You must be in love." Perplexed at how he got the impression, I went of the defensive and asked "How did you come up with that conclusion?" He simply said "Because you looked lonely." 

I find myself pleasantly intrigued by how he associated being lonely and in love. "Loneliness," he went on to say, "in not the same as being alone, this being with others does not guarantee you to not feel lonely. It is also not the same as being cooped up and drowning yourself with guilt and fear and insecurity. Loneliness, real loneliness, is the want of intimacy." 

Describing loneliness as the want of intimacy really put things into perspective. I later discovered that this definition came from Frieda Fromm-Reichmann, a German psychiatrist contemporary to Sigmund Freud. Some of her notable publications was on Migraine, Stereotypies, and Domineering Mothers. Her theory on migraine, in particular, is.. 

..of the opinion that the symptom is produced when an unconscious hostile tendency is directed in particular at the destruction of an object's intelligence ("mental castration") and guilt feelings turn this tendency instead against one's own head'

(Otto Fenichel, The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis (London 1946) p. 253.) 

I digress. Coming back to the topic of loneliness, it has been recently linked to bodily ailments as well as mental degeneration. Psycho-biologist can now show that loneliness sends misleading hormonal signals, disrupts the genes that governs behavior and causes other body system to malfunction and fall apart. Time and age, being the constant, also contributes to the physical effect of loneliness. Some of the diseases that are thought to be induced partly by loneliness is Alzheimer's, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and are also contributing factors to bad habits such as smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and drugs. 

Loneliness vary from person to person, just as taste vary from person to person. One would say that a lemon is pleasantly sour, helps to accentuate the taste of his food, while another would say that it is an unnecessary to his food and that the sourness blunts his appetite. There are introverted and extroverted people, as well as there are those who are in constant need for connection and those who don't seem to need friends at all.  

There are among us who are extremely lonely - not because of having too few friends or connections, but because they lack the social support that they require. It is not the quantity, but rather the quality of support - because loneliness can be treated through trust and intimacy. However, following the principle of natural selection and survival of the fittest, lonely people tend to be shunned away from the community for being perceived as weak, or suffer in silence to lead a life under false identity. 

These people are like walking time bombs - more sensitive than others to the pain of rejection. Their temperament is akin to that of a spoiled 5-year-old who would throw a temper-tantrum is his demand were not met. Similarly, shorter temper or passive-aggressive retaliation, cynical remark they consider as jokes, raised voice and self-preservation gestures such as folding the arms across the chest to protect himself. 

Biologically, their heart rate increases, stress hormones flood his body, body tissue swell up, and white blood cells swarm up in anticipation of a physical attack that never came. It would be harmless if this bouts of inflamed arousal dissipates quickly, but if kept for a prolonged period of time, the blood pressure levels would rise. Furthermore, because the body is kept at anticipating larger threats, part of the immune system that fends off smaller, more subtle threats began to fail, contributing to acquired allergies and periodical sickness. 

If we now know that loneliness, a social emotion, can reach into our body's biological system and cause disruptions and amok, what should we do about it? Change our view on health. Being healthy is not just about having a healthy body, but also having a healthy mind and emotion, and a healthy support society. Start small - reach out and seek those who can fulfill your social need, and in return do not shy away from those who seek you to fulfill their social need. Pay closer attention to the later, as you never know, you may heal your own loneliness as you heal theirs, and consequently be in love with each other.

Note : for further reading - The Lethality of Loneliness

I like to think of myself as a simple guy - others usually beg to differ. I enjoy a quiet walk by the riverside or a shopping spree whenever I can afford it. I like my solitary moments, yet at times I crave attention and to be around the people I love it suffocates them (sorry guys >.<) I like food, but I almost always feel guilty after eating - I've been steadily gaining weight lately. What is, is is to me - what was, was was - but what is to be is up to me to change. I guess in the lease amount of words I can describe myself is I'm a bundle of contradiction. 

In any case, of late I find myself collecting memories, reflecting on them, and re-living them one after another. I longed to be the person I used to be - I don't know who I am anymore. Thus to help me remember, I fashioned myself a simple Wall of Very Important Things. Mostly I hung key-chains on it, some were given by an important friend, some was given from a family member, some from my ex-girlfriends (dudes, chill. I've moved on since). A birthday card - something I haven't received since god knows when. Tickets of parks and rides with a dear friend - I hope to see you in Sabah next year. 

Still I feel a huge chunk of my heart is missing. Perhaps I've been looking in the wrong places. 

The new app shorcut icon

I swear if I get a dollar everytime I get excited over something I'd be a billionaire by now! I get excited over the smallest things! This time, the new YouTube app on my phone (and yes, on yours too! check it out!). 

I first noticed the app shortcut new design on one of my home screens a couple of days ago and promised myself to check it out once I have some free time on my hand (well if my free time happens to be at work so be it -.-") and wow am I excited to see the new features on it! 

I always b@tch about how I cant do anything else other than probably read the comment and video info but really, who reads ALL of them anyways? This, of course, is referring to music and lyrics videos. Sometimes I wanna search another video while the current one is playing, right? Well guess what, the AWESOME development team added the

multitasking capability IN the app itself. Technical mumbo-jumbo aside, this means that you and I can now search for other videos while the current one is playing! You can browse through your history and playlists, you can look at your channels and subscriptions! Owh this feature is awesome!

Another thing I used to b@tch about is I can't play playlists on the app. Yeah we all have our collections of MP3s and music on our phones but sometimes I want to listen to what other people have on their playlist! I wont b@tch anymore because the new update brings playlists to the app along with the multitasking! PSYCHED!!! Now I can stream my friend's playlists in the car!

The new design isn't significant but I did notice the Google Now Cards-like layout. The swiping gesture to minimize and dismiss currently playing video is anticipated as all smartphones recognize swipe gestures but I am still excited nonetheless. What's missing now is to have the video keep playing when YouTube app is in background so I can text and listen to music videos at the same time - but not while driving of course! 

2 posts in a day! WOOHHOOO!!! XD

The past few weeks brushed by like a cold breeze, leaving the usually up-beat me to shiver and stutter. Normally anxious and dramatic, I find myself more withdrawn than ever. Stumbling upon my old blog really helps me get back (and thus proving the fact that if you don't help yourself, no one will).

So I took a step back. We need to do that sometimes, right? Get our bearings, set thing straight and make sure we don't lose ourself.. I went back and took a personality test (which I do from time to time ever since I discovered Myers Briggs Type Indicator - MBTI). It has been a while since I took the test, I don't remember my type indicator back then, and not sure if much has changed (personally speaking). Got the result : ENFJ

What does it mean?

It means that I am an energy sucking intuitive feeling matter-of-factly extroverted person. MUAHAHAHAHA!!  No, this does not define who I am, it is just one part of me. The tests and indicators are mere tools to determine your preference, and from time to time, place to place, people to people, your own preference change.

Seeking more confirmation, I looked up Keirsey Temperament Sorter and took the test too. Came out the same result (surprise surprise!). A little more reading I discovered some now info regarding my personality indicator. I am what is classified as the Intuitive Teacher who's generally comfortable being out and about to help guide people around me through their lives. Funny that, cuz I ultimately want to end my professional career in the education line. (Currently serving in the business and professional environment to equip myself with needed knowledge and experience before guiding the young ones - yet another common trait in this personality class).

Well I could blabber much about my personality trait, but bot here, not at the moment. I prefer others to view me in person, and the dynamics of who I am, rather than having a certain pre-conception based on what they read beforehand.

In any case, dumb as it may sound, I was feeling rather depressed lately (having turned down by a crush. You'd think you're man enough to handle it at 27, but apparently the older you get, the more it hurt). Aaaannnyywaaaayyss, I found myself slacking, lagging, forgetting the day of the week (woking 5 days a week and attending classes on the weekends does not help) etc. etc. until I read about Nuffnang's credit card design contest which led me to find my old blog still up.

I read up some of the entries that I wrote, reminded of who I was back then and how far I've actually gone in life. Had a few heart-breaks that healed and scarred, but those are experience none the less. My experience.

As I wrote this, I feel relieved. Finally, I think I can be positive about life again. It's simple as it is, I'm alive, I'm thankful for the friends that I have, sad for those that became strangers, and at the same time wholly excited think of strangers becoming friends.

So yeah, I think I'll be alright.

P/S:

• If you're interested in trying the MBTI to find out your personality preference, you can try it here. 
• Next, the Kiersley Temperament Sorter here. 
• Don't worry if you find that you need to register or pay a certain fee to get a complete result. What you need is really the 4 letter result, and use Wikipedia to get more info. I'll put a widget in my blog to help you out. XD