Say something..

My heart just about stopped in the middle of doing a system behavior analysis, not because of the sheer complexity of the task at hand, but the background music I was listening to. The myriad of thoughts just suddenly flashed and I had to excuse myself from the table. I was suddenly scared. Very, very scared.

I'd like to think of myself as the supporter. I rarely motivate. In a way, I feel when I motivate, I impose myself onto the person, whereas as a supporter, I stand somewhere in the behind, so that if the person ever feels like falling, I'd be able to support and cushion that person. 

And recently, my better half found her own motivation to pursue her dreams. More than that, she found ways to realize the dream, and off she went - going on and on and on about how she's going to do this and that, around here and over there, because this is possible and that is just within grasp. Dealing with her anxiety is easy, and when she expressed her enthusiasm of travelling, I became that supporter, promising myself to prepare a home for her to return to. 

But then, as I hear that song, I was so overwhelmed with fear - one so personal between us that it was never even expressed. I'm scared of losing you before your time, and I'm scared of not being around to hold and kiss you one last time. Owh man... I just wanna grow old with you..