My one and only impossible..

Sometimes I get angry at myself for setting impossible goals. I get very envious of friends who set tangible goals like owning a huge house by the ocean, driving big fancy cars that turn heads, wearing designer brands from head to toe, travelling the world. Compared to that, my goal is impossibly stupid. 

I've had interviewers who lifted a brow, amused when I stated my goal. The fact that I say it with such unwavering conviction did not help either. To some of them, I came off as a little aloof. 

I don't expect many to understand. I don't understand their goals either. If I may be so bold, I would question them, after you own that magnificent of a house overlooking the most exotic of beach, who will you live in with? Who is with you in that fanciest of all cars you now have the key to? When you've flown first class into the largest most busiest of all airports in the most glorious of all cities or boarding the fastest of all trains across the widest expanses of the land or sailing the biggest cruise ship in the seven seas, who is there with you? 

Yes, my goal is simple. My goal is also true. My one and only goal is to grow old with you. Then, whether it is the house overlooking the ocean or a flat in the slums, whether it is the fastest car or just a simple pedal bike, whether it is first class or economy, the fastest train or on a cartwheel, whether a cruise ship or a ferry across the river, I will always spend each and every moment with you, and that is all I need.  

# # # # # # #  =====  # # # # # # #   

I should just stop and leave it as it is, this post. An emotional one. I've reasoned, and reasoned, and reasoned with myself whether I should change my goal so that it is more practical. Unfortunately I can't. My goal is still that. 

Then one may ask, how are you going to accomplish it? I have to start first by looking for the person to grow old with, don't I? Not necessarily. In fact, I say no to that. I ask myself first, before being able to say to the person, "I would like to grow old with you", am I worthy enough? Can I provide her with everything she needs? A roof over her head, food on her plate, happiness and freedom, joy and laughter, support and comfort? Can I be that man of her dreams? That is my motivation towards my goal. 

# # # # # # #  =====  # # # # # # # 

Like her, my time is running out too. When she takes off, I will have to stay behind. When she reaches her goal, the road to mine gets narrower, and the door closes faster. And you know, because of that I am angry at myself for not being good enough to be able to go with her... Like I said, my goal is just impossible..